Collecting Humor Pillows

The Gallop

'What's it to be,gentlemen-the short cut or the long way round?'

Elevator out of order, full of people.

The best place for a dartboard is not beside an open window.

"Waiter! I need a doggie bag and a body bag, please."

The Future of Palmistry

Urp! Homo Eructus.

A Tramp spraying Eau de Toilet.

World Of Cow - 'Could you wrap that up and send it to this address?'

'Kix? Yes, Ma'am -- you can get your Kix on aisle 66.'

'Would you knock it off with the 'woulda-coulda-shoulda'!'

Stools for fools.

Shuttlecock in a Cage

"Is the snapper fresh?"

"Would you like to come up and see my etchings? They're all exactly the same. All twenty-pound notes."

No, I'm not just trying to let you down easy. I literally have 2 left feet.

Trump - The curly years

Have your photo taken with Joan

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

'Me, I don't spend my pocket money: I hoard it...'

'Bert's dog training.'

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

'RUN FOR COVER!!!!! It's another one of those 'Baby Showers'!!!

Vegetarian Birds

'The bad news is you're going to marry a geek, and not a pro athlete. The good news is the geek owns the team.'

"Eat me"

A golden Big Boy holding a plate of poop

"Do we have to go to the beach? I think the airline mixed up my luggage."

"Whoa. Someone needs their diaper changed."

Cake Free Zone

A 'Falling Rock' and a 'Deer Crossing' zone.

',,, and if anyone knows of a reason why these two should not be married, let them storm this castle with pitchforks and torches or forever hold their peace,'

Mulching Vacuum Cleaner