Collector Of Cultural Humor Pillows

"Neither Confucius nor Lao-Tse nor Buddha can help you. You either have a knack for chopsticks, or you don't ."

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

'Me, I don't spend my pocket money: I hoard it...'

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

'Bert's dog training.'

'RUN FOR COVER!!!!! It's another one of those 'Baby Showers'!!!

"Hic. Gosh and begorrah!" "Wha?"

"What the...They wrapped me in toilet paper!"

"Whoa. Someone needs their diaper changed."

Cake Free Zone

'The bad news is you're going to marry a geek, and not a pro athlete. The good news is the geek owns the team.'

"Eat me"

Vegetarian Birds

A 'Falling Rock' and a 'Deer Crossing' zone.

',,, and if anyone knows of a reason why these two should not be married, let them storm this castle with pitchforks and torches or forever hold their peace,'

"Do we have to go to the beach? I think the airline mixed up my luggage."

A golden Big Boy holding a plate of poop

The Tale of the Tape of the Tail.

'I hate to say I told you so, Larry, but that's why you check your car for bears before you put on your seatbelt.'

Mulching Vacuum Cleaner

'Kix? Yes, Ma'am -- you can get your Kix on aisle 66.'

Man falls in water Title: 'Willis was always an overachiever.'

A watch face with Stonehenge

"They retired me. Just like that. Seems I'm no good over 55 mph anymore." "How does that make you feel?" "Like I want to bash my head against a wall!"

'I've just discovered that one of my ancestors was a Security Goose for the Roman Army...'

"Fantastic! Do you realize what we've just stumbled upon? It's the fabled Lost Glove Compartment of the Ancient Astronauts!"

Whatís that, boy? Youíre too tired for a walk and you just want to watch TV?

"Guide to physical comedy fish"

Clown to clown on unicycle: 'How does it corner?'

'Forget worms. Think fast food.'

Bathroom Fairy

'You've got the wrong idiot, number.'