Humor Collection Gifts

"He's my best friend – 74, bald, looks like a fat Sid Caesar."

'Create them in Your own image? --Even the female oe?'

'If you're looking for a pistol to shoot your wife may I also interest you in a shovel to dig a grave in your backyard?'

"It's my flea. I think it's got dogs."

Hollywood Sign Developers

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

'Are you finished eating yet, sweetie?...Guess that answers THAT question!'

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

'Bert's dog training.'

'Me, I don't spend my pocket money: I hoard it...'

'RUN FOR COVER!!!!! It's another one of those 'Baby Showers'!!!

"Eat me"

"Do we have to go to the beach? I think the airline mixed up my luggage."

Cake Free Zone

A golden Big Boy holding a plate of poop

',,, and if anyone knows of a reason why these two should not be married, let them storm this castle with pitchforks and torches or forever hold their peace,'

A 'Falling Rock' and a 'Deer Crossing' zone.

'The bad news is you're going to marry a geek, and not a pro athlete. The good news is the geek owns the team.'

Vegetarian Birds

"Whoa. Someone needs their diaper changed."

"Fantastic! Do you realize what we've just stumbled upon? It's the fabled Lost Glove Compartment of the Ancient Astronauts!"

'I've just discovered that one of my ancestors was a Security Goose for the Roman Army...'

'I hate to say I told you so, Larry, but that's why you check your car for bears before you put on your seatbelt.'

The Tale of the Tape of the Tail.

Mulching Vacuum Cleaner

'Kix? Yes, Ma'am -- you can get your Kix on aisle 66.'

"They retired me. Just like that. Seems I'm no good over 55 mph anymore." "How does that make you feel?" "Like I want to bash my head against a wall!"

A watch face with Stonehenge

Easter Island Shades...

Man falls in water Title: 'Willis was always an overachiever.'

Whatís that, boy? Youíre too tired for a walk and you just want to watch TV?

"I'm excited to get fixed at the vet, had no idea I was broken."

'You've got the wrong idiot, number.'

Vanna White: The Later Years.