Joke Collection Gifts

"You must be doing well, dear, look, the doctor's given you a certificate."

Clancy: Life Insurance

Concentrate Sign Above Orange Juice Factory Line

'Clear your desk. You're fired!'

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

'A burp or a fart, I can excuse, but throwing up a pellet of fur and bones? That's gross dude!'

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

The Rooster Comedian.

Password Error: Snow White and the seven dwarfs not recognised as eight characters.

Suffering from Cooties?

"Well, that certainly killed my buzz."

Useless add-ons.

'Yeah, I agree: It's hard to impress females by looking virile and strong when you're all pink...'

'Amscray,fuzzbrain - no carnivores allowed

Job Vacancy: Human cannonball. Applicants must of the right calibre

Irritable trowel syndrome.

'The bank says they're freezing my assets! I don't understand: They've always been frozen...'

"I know my drinking limits.The problem is that I can never reach them - I simply fall down."

"They're not Levi Strauss - they're not Levi Tate."

'Why would anyone order a pint of stoat?'

"...and she said 'MOO!'"

'The funny part is that the aerial was fine -- the TV set was just unplugged!'

'Looks like somebody needs to lay off of the authentic angel food cake!'

"I must insist on my lawyer present."

Mexican Jumping Balls.

Told you...Nonsense compulsive disorder.

Man takes picutre of other man holding up huge worm at Bait Shop.

Cheating Death.

'Finish your homework first, Og... then you can watch the wall.'

'Alphabet soup? What's alphabet?'

Shark infested custard!

My daddy ate my homework

Psychiatrist - "Doctor, I keep imagining I'm being followed by an impersonator."