Collecting Joke Books Gifts

Lengray's 1,001 practical Jokes for beginners (a man getting punched in the face with a mechanical glove).

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

'A burp or a fart, I can excuse, but throwing up a pellet of fur and bones? That's gross dude!'

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

The Rooster Comedian.

Password Error: Snow White and the seven dwarfs not recognised as eight characters.

'Amscray,fuzzbrain - no carnivores allowed

Suffering from Cooties?

"Well, that certainly killed my buzz."

Job Vacancy: Human cannonball. Applicants must of the right calibre

'Yeah, I agree: It's hard to impress females by looking virile and strong when you're all pink...'

Useless add-ons.

Irritable trowel syndrome.

'Why would anyone order a pint of stoat?'

"They're not Levi Strauss - they're not Levi Tate."

'The bank says they're freezing my assets! I don't understand: They've always been frozen...'

"I know my drinking limits.The problem is that I can never reach them - I simply fall down."

"...and she said 'MOO!'"

'The funny part is that the aerial was fine -- the TV set was just unplugged!'

'Looks like somebody needs to lay off of the authentic angel food cake!'

My daddy ate my homework

Mexican Jumping Balls.

'Finish your homework first, Og... then you can watch the wall.'

Shark infested custard!

"I must insist on my lawyer present."

Cheating Death.

Told you...Nonsense compulsive disorder.

'Alphabet soup? What's alphabet?'

Psychiatrist - "Doctor, I keep imagining I'm being followed by an impersonator."

Man takes picutre of other man holding up huge worm at Bait Shop.

"Turn your head and cough."

'What does coincide mean?' 'It's what you do when it starts to rain.'

'Take one of these three times a day until you start to feel better.'