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Lengray's 1,001 practical Jokes for beginners (a man getting punched in the face with a mechanical glove).

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

'A burp or a fart, I can excuse, but throwing up a pellet of fur and bones? That's gross dude!'

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

The Rooster Comedian.

Password Error: Snow White and the seven dwarfs not recognised as eight characters.

Useless add-ons.

Suffering from Cooties?

'Yeah, I agree: It's hard to impress females by looking virile and strong when you're all pink...'

Job Vacancy: Human cannonball. Applicants must of the right calibre

'Amscray,fuzzbrain - no carnivores allowed

Irritable trowel syndrome.

"I know my drinking limits.The problem is that I can never reach them - I simply fall down."

'Why would anyone order a pint of stoat?'

'The bank says they're freezing my assets! I don't understand: They've always been frozen...'

"...and she said 'MOO!'"

'The funny part is that the aerial was fine -- the TV set was just unplugged!'

'Looks like somebody needs to lay off of the authentic angel food cake!'

Shark infested custard!

Told you...Nonsense compulsive disorder.

Mexican Jumping Balls.

'Finish your homework first, Og... then you can watch the wall.'

Man takes picutre of other man holding up huge worm at Bait Shop.

Cheating Death.

"I must insist on my lawyer present."

'Alphabet soup? What's alphabet?'

My daddy ate my homework

"Turn your head and cough."

'Take one of these three times a day until you start to feel better.'

'What does coincide mean?' 'It's what you do when it starts to rain.'

'Yeah, I slipped on a banana skin too...'