Late Night Lounger Gifts

"I don't know how you do it. I'm hopeless after dinner."

Unable to get going each day without her dose of Katie Couric, Lois shifted her schedule to be in sync with the star's new evening news job.

'Harold, when was the last time you cleaned the pool?!'

"Gimme a large cheeseburger, regular fries and a diet root beer!"

Honey remember what I said about feeding the birds.

'She'll never look for me here.'

"I am dressed for the job I want."

The Old Lady Bobbing-Around-In-The-Ocean Classic.

"Oh joy. Looks like the turkey is almost done..."

Lighthouse Hammock.

"Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, fell, and retained a brilliant attorney."

'...and talk about lazy!'

'Welcome home, Dear. Your dinner is in the popcorn bowl.'

"You're back. Hold on … just give me a minute."

'I prefer to do absolutely nothing on holiday....otherwise the shock's too much when I get back.'

"I'm thinking this might e a good area to set up base camp."

'Where does cozy end and tepid begin?'

Sick person curled up at home

The only creation God was truly proud of was the Sabbath

"What am I doing? Just sitting here binge binging."

Sunday morning provides a time to contemplate the state of our souls. Or soles, as the case may be.

"Don't you worry JB, everything is fine here."

"Medical science continues to provide hope in a troubled world. Now they say chocolate is good for you!"

"Sorry Honey, I'll be about thirty years late for dinner tonight."

"Chill, Paul. I'm on staycation."

'Now that I have your attention...'

"Are you walking the dog? We live on the third floor!"

Mexican Dog

"It's called 'muscle confusion'. First, I put on my workout clothes, then I confuse my muscles by not working out."

Weekend paper with an index to the supplements it contains.

"I love the smell of unemployment in the morning."

"Stanley, we're into the summer doldrums again, aren't we?"

'No idea. He's been there for as long as I can remember.'

"As a frequent flier, you'll be entitled to stay in our airport lounge for up to a week during delays."

'Here, you can have my fly trap.I already have one.'