Last Rites Gifts

"He was furiously reading the Bible before he died." "Looking for loopholes."

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have had him cremated."

"I got those famous last words you wanted"

"I tried getting good grades without studying, but it isn't working."

'If history keeps repeating itself, why do I have to repeat this class?'

'The first exam was easy as ABC, but that one felt more like a D,E or F.'

"So that's what it means to unwind before dinner."

"My Tia Carmen keeps this shrine..."

"Tia Carmen, I have a killer test tomorrow. Can you help?"

Ed totally blows the final portion of his Chameleon Aptitude test.

"Hope you don't mind—it was his last request."

'I'm so glad this bedtime story comes in audio.'

"In a multiple choice exam if in doubt always go for D, because that's about what grade you'll end up with!"

"He's a very alternative vicar - he's installed wind chimes.'

"Stop the clowning, Johnson. The final isn't going to be all that bad."

Confirmation of Westminster School Boys at the Abbey

"Goodbye old girl. They'll never issue another bag quite like you."

"I do hope you're here for the circumcision."

"They’re burying him with his Xanax."

"Now there's one less conspiracy theorist in the world - or is there?"

"It was my husbands dying wish to be buried in his herb garden."

"Ready? It's your bloopers tape."

'I feel ridiculous!'

"I'd like to extend a special welcome to those of you who are joining us for the first time, as part of a nightmare you're having."

'It was his last request. 'Once around the park'.'

'Bless me, Father - I'm a father.'

Cat in Hearse

"Mr. Murillo couldn't understand how I could make so many mistakes. So I told him that you helped me write it."

'This sucks. Let's try and start the wave.'

"Good Lord, this is grape juice!"

"She looks so natural, although I prefer cremation."

The Last Perm.

'I do like a smoke afterwards.'

"You've got to admit—he looks good."

"Bradford was more of a death recliner than a death bed kind of guy."