Laser Tag Warriors Pillows

Hairy men taking advantage of the laser tag/laser hair removal combo package.

'No, honestly, it's just diet and exercise.'

'He's been like this ever since he had his laser eye treatment.'

Epic Battles

"Gosh, I can't believe it's been over 25 years since our company was dragged, kicking and screaming, into the digital age!"

'No, I'm sorry, Danny. I'm afraid your dad won't be able to shoot laser beams from his eyes after surgery.'

"Get used to verifications. In the court of the internet, you are presumed a robot until proven otherwise."

Tortoise and hare on treadmills.

Tangled Earphones Support Group.

"Ready. Aim. Pew! Pew!"

"These days they prefer to harass me on twitter."

"I didn't want anything. I just wanted to see how fast you could get here in case of an emergency!"

"As a courtesy for the inconvenience, please accept a voucher for three additional hours of your life, redeemable upon your death."

"No threat detected. Their vast resources are spent on lasers that combat wrinkles and unwanted hair."

"Got some bad news for you, Larry."

"He did well with his eye exam but was disappointed to find out that laser surgery won't help out his score when he plays laser tag."

The auto-update demons attack-again."

"So if I need to stop smoking and lose weight..what are you going to do about it?"

'Them's fightin' tweets!'

Bored kid fighting off an alien attack.

"Let's say that's better without, shall we?"

'He's trained to the laser pointer.'

"We can only apologise, Mr. Kent. But wouldn't you think that a superhero's uniform would be shrink-proofed?"

'Lose those unsightly man boobs - JOIN THE US MARINES!'

Surgical equipment burning a hole through the table.

'Well, so much for the ump. Higgins, go tell the P.A. announcer to warn the spectators about the irresponsible use of laser pointers.'

Danger-zone journalists.

The five stages of laundry 1. Denial I'll do it tomorrow. 2. Anger Why are there no clean clothes!? 3. Bargaining Ok! Who wants to help with the laundry? 4. Depression Can't. Do. It. 5. Acceptance

"Jessica could you call Tech Support and ask when the lazer was last calibrated please?"

Missing sock announcement on a milk carton.

'Well, yes, sometimes there can be side effects to laser eye surgery!'

Life on Earth - Superfat.

'Sorry I had the liposuction machine on blow instead of suck.'

"This is the third consecutive week you've gained weight. I have no alternative but to expel you."

'Well, if you're enjoying your diet plan you must be doing it wrong.'