Lard-over-lies Advocate Gifts

'Bless me father for I have sinned, I lied about my pie crusts not having lard in them, 12 times, and I killed my daughter's Schnauzer.'

Bottle Distillery

'What'll it be?'

Comic,,,Drama,,,Laugh Track,

'Of course I want a short back and sides. I've only got a back and sides.'

"You say we atheists are going to Hell? Look at all the f**ks we give... Go ahead... Look at them all."

Superbaldie.

'Have you seen the ruddy margins the Chinese expect us to take up for this work?'

"What> Fitness isn't a destination, it's a way of life."

Bald man spraying his head with hairspray

'...This summit may be recorded for NSA training purposes!'

Eventual Motion Machine

"Y'know, although I went completely bald, I STILL carry a comb in my pocket!"

'It wasn't so much armed robbery as my client converting the owner's assets from sole proprietorship to a mutual fund.'

Jeremy Corbyn

"Our property taxes went up agian."

Mitch Decides to Take A 15 Minute Coffee Break To Voice His Opinion.

Down with canned laughter.

'They suspect arson.'

"If you killed him using a tennis racket, you need a sports lawyer."

'Hope I die before I'm reduced to advertising car insurance!'

Jeremy Corbyn

Harold Wilson

The four stages of male hair loss.

'What's a knee like yours doing in a joint like this?'

'Your exercise program hasn't been a total loss -- at least you're getting thin on TOP.'

'I swear, one of these days I'm going to win one!'

"Smack, nibble... look at all this garbage! People like to go for a walk in nature but the fill it with trash. They have no manners at all..."

"If I ever get my own business, I'm going to practice the Golden Rule."

'I'm doing my bit to develop a global response as part of Fonterra's infant formula risk management strategy.'

"I will never read that book, and I'm eagerly waiting to avoid the movie."

"Joe's trying to get around the smoking ban."

"Ever since you yelled at me I've been getting ads from divorce lawyers."

'Don't give me a seat next to any pesky kids!'

"I'm an athlete the way Buzzy here is an apex predator."