Lard-over-lies Advocate Gifts

'Bless me father for I have sinned, I lied about my pie crusts not having lard in them, 12 times, and I killed my daughter's Schnauzer.'

'What'll it be?'

Bottle Distillery

Comic,,,Drama,,,Laugh Track,

'Of course I want a short back and sides. I've only got a back and sides.'

"You say we atheists are going to Hell? Look at all the f**ks we give... Go ahead... Look at them all."

"What> Fitness isn't a destination, it's a way of life."

Superbaldie.

'Have you seen the ruddy margins the Chinese expect us to take up for this work?'

Bald man spraying his head with hairspray

'...This summit may be recorded for NSA training purposes!'

Eventual Motion Machine

"Y'know, although I went completely bald, I STILL carry a comb in my pocket!"

'It wasn't so much armed robbery as my client converting the owner's assets from sole proprietorship to a mutual fund.'

Jeremy Corbyn

Down with canned laughter.

"Our property taxes went up agian."

Mitch Decides to Take A 15 Minute Coffee Break To Voice His Opinion.

'They suspect arson.'

"If you killed him using a tennis racket, you need a sports lawyer."

Jeremy Corbyn

Harold Wilson

'Hope I die before I'm reduced to advertising car insurance!'

'What's a knee like yours doing in a joint like this?'

The four stages of male hair loss.

'Your exercise program hasn't been a total loss -- at least you're getting thin on TOP.'

'I swear, one of these days I'm going to win one!'

"If I ever get my own business, I'm going to practice the Golden Rule."

"Smack, nibble... look at all this garbage! People like to go for a walk in nature but the fill it with trash. They have no manners at all..."

"I'm an athlete the way Buzzy here is an apex predator."

"Joe's trying to get around the smoking ban."

"I will never read that book, and I'm eagerly waiting to avoid the movie."

"Ever since you yelled at me I've been getting ads from divorce lawyers."

'My client pleads innocent due to temporary egomania.'