Anti-canned Laugh Advocate Gifts

Down with canned laughter.

'You wanted a speedy trial, so I'm sentencing you to a swift kick.'

'You got twenty years for hunting without a license? Kind of stiff, isn't it?'

"My next witness is his Google Assistant."

Preserve these Wetlands.

'Hello. Law offices of Anderson, Avery, Baer, Barton, Baston, Caggly, Cooper ... drat, who comes after Cooper?'

'Can you spare a cup, for the bottom of my bird cage?'

"We find the defendant guilty on all charges, Your Honor. On the positive side, we really liked his openness and energy."

'It all started when I told him I resented people calling lawyers assholes, because I'm an asshole.'

'My client's defense is that the bank was an attractive nuisance.'

"My client claims the verdict discriminates against guilty people."

Aa fair indication of how we're treating the environment

"What about this book, boss?" "Yeah, get rid of it—it's got too many long words in it."

'Legal say that 'Be my Valentine' opens us up to sexual harrassment claims, they suggest 'dear individual of indeterminate or any gender would you consider accepting the role of being my person of special interest'.'

'What's a knee like yours doing in a joint like this?'

'Before your honor passes sentence, is the anything my client could do for extra credit, if you know what I mean?'

'Aren't we entitled to a ten minute smoking break?'

The customer is always right, but that fact has no standing in law.

'And in order to make the experience of court less intimidating...'

"Excuse me driver, but your guard is stuck in the doors!"

Judge banging down gavel on mouse by mistake.

"He won't talk but I will!"

'I swear, one of these days I'm going to win one!'

'You know, after a long hard winter, I just HATE eating out of cans.'

"To be environmentally responsible I'm recycling my sister's old book reports."

'I always was a bit concerned about the health risks of second-hand smoke.'

Vote McWhirtle. No salesman will call!

'The jury foreman says they need more time to find the quarter they were flipping!'

'I'm doing my bit to develop a global response as part of Fonterra's infant formula risk management strategy.'

'And we've switched from rats to lawyers because there are some things even rats won't do.'

"I'm an athlete the way Buzzy here is an apex predator."

"As smoking bans are being implemented, this a typical scene outside of Bingo halls nationwide!"

'Hey! This is the nonsmoking cage.'

'He reps a lot of comedians in Hollywood.'

'Artistic it might have been, but those sort of films ought to be banned.'