Language Maven Gifts

'I wish they wouldn't insist on using the abridged text.'

'You appreciate that you have just used a split infinitive!'

Sugestshun Box: Spelling test.

'Sometimes, from time to time, occasionally I wish I'd never bought that ruddy thesaurus!'

'What amazes me most is that years ago I couldn't even spell teacher - now I are one!'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

"I wonder if A.I. will inevitably become as tired and depressed as we are."

6 Quarantine-Friendly Fashions

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

Campaign for Plain English

Thru versus Through Traffic

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

'I can't force jocose if I'm not feeling it.'

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

'A few more years in this job and you'll learn how to delegate stress.'

A Copy Editor and His Dog

"The good news is that we do have a little wiggle room."

Backfire

Punctuation Police

Other girl's luxuries are my necessities.

Assault 'n' Vinegar

People in the mirror may be more attractive than they appear.

What's normal?

"Damn - another letter to the editor."

Lesser known greek gods,

"If Google Translate is correct, they want our women and our cattle."

"No, I really thought each sentence ended with an emoji!"

Pashminas are sooo noughties!

'The Questioner'

'I've been called some mean things as a baby boomer, but 'Pig in the Python' really hurts.'

T. S. Eliot Meets Beavis And Butthead

'The World will speak hip-hop tomorrow.'

'Just follow these simple instructions.'