Lane Etiquette Vigilante Gifts

Human Cull: People who do a slow breast stroke in the fast swimming lane.

"Because when you go first nobody else has any fun, that's why."

'Well, Mr. 'I don't need any sunblock', what have you got to say for yourself now?'

'This goes way beyond just keeping the flies off me...I'm fighting crime now too!'

Scarecrows guarding a field

"Peter Parker is Spiderman! Clark Kent is Superman!! Bruce Wayne is Batman!"

"Beware of God"

Nun confronts mugger.

"It's the Grammar Police! Have you been using 'your' when you should be using 'you're' again?"

I've got to monitor all chatter in the cafe to prevent future pastry thefts. I don't know … What if you've got a scone thief for a neighbor, or a friend, or even a family member? Sure, today it's just a scone. But the next attack could be huge – the big one! You don't mean … Hoagie. They're trying to destroy our whole way of life.

"Walter had an attack of road rage in the driveway."

"What happened to what cat?"

Covid Boarding Pass

"No, it won't last long, but while it does I aim to fight as much evil as possible."

'The opportunity to be fair and just is rewarding - but what I especially like is taking the law into my own hands.'

"I saw the guy who cut me off on the highway get pulled over by a police officer!"

Ace Towing.

'Since you're new here, let me give you a tip: Never, EVER, look under the chairs!'

The Marks of Zorro

'I thought putting it up there would deter ordinary folk from using it.' (Disabled Parking Space).

'You appreciate that you have just used a split infinitive!'

"What's the point of being your sidekick if the courts won't recognize it?"

'Installing 6 foot spikes to stop cars from tailgating me.'

Masked intruder

Traffic avenger

What a hypochondriac --- He's always turning on his "check engine" light!

'I'm moving your desk up here on the roof. That way you can keep an eye on my Cadillac in the parking lot.'

"I don't prey on the old, sick, or lame, I prey on the healthy who park in the handicapped spots."

At the school for Facebook trolls

"I feel a lot safer around here since your Grandad joined the Neighbourhood Watch!"

Rail UnFare Rise

"Hey, jackass! Keep it down, you inconsiderate jerk! And stay safe and healthy during these difficult times!"

"If you cave COVID I'm going to kill you."

"I can't wait till somebody forgets to dim his headlights!"

Digby's a former airline pilot--- he always looks three ways before crossing.