Lactose Laugh Seeker Pillows

Lactose is Good. Lactose intolerance isn't something you protest against, Ernie.

Sympathetic nursing will work wonders

Bad fake tan day.

"That'll be five bucks."

"I used to drink to forget. Now, age-related, short-term memory loss takes care of that for me."

"Don't you just hate restaurants that make you feel rushed?"

The only time cats are known to laugh.

"Just because we're hyenas doesn't mean we always have to get Laughing Cow cheese."

"Brian's fine. He`s got his own coping mechanism."

Would you be willing to sign something regarding the fat content of your burger? Like what? My colon.

'Ben just fired my ten guage goose gun. He should be coming back this way any minute now.'

"What did Jesus order?"

Wet Cement. Always the joker, aren't you, Ernie?

'No Fred, this one is one me!'

"I'm not a doctor, but I don't think the problem is with your bladder, Bob."

"Projectile hairballing."

Drunk Barber

"Why don't I clang some utensils, make 3 grilled cheese sandwiches and we call it an early night?"

he used to belong to a cartoonist

"Hey! Get back here!"

'When Johhny told everyone he was going to be a comedian they all laughed...'

"I give up. Where's the patient?'

'Because I'm so sick of those movies, now go get me a romantic comedy.'

Jerk Gene

'When Einstein wrote about time and relativity he must have been watching a football game where the last 30 seconds took two hours.'

'Tropical fruit, imported cheese, coconuts...I'm not really into that 'eat locally' stuff.'

"I've always wanted to do this - 'knock, knock...who's there?'"

Football heads...

Bald Man Overcomb

'Ha, ha! But seriously folks...'

"Ok. . . who added the yellow?"

Ask Sadie

'He's not in now. This is his secwatawy.'

Comedy Store - Canned Laughter delivery.

'I don't understand. Why do you want to have your arms extended?'