Labeling Connoisseur T-Shirts

Peanuts: Warning may contain nuts

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

At This Restaurant, There Are Only Two Dishes on the Menu and They Both Suck

The First Annual Game Show Week.

I'm getting an ample full taste... I'm getting whimsical... I'm getting 'red'

Sculptor's chippings

S**t Threw a Goose

Satis Factory Tour

"I was really impressed by the way you sent back the wine, though it did come in second to the waiter's uppercut."

" . . . and white, not yellow. Block, not shredded. Aged, but not too aged that it doesn't slice well."

"The big money doesn't seem to be in Pretzels anymore."

A lot of attention gets paid to the Earl of Sandwich, and rightfully so, but let's not forget to show some respect for that neglected Lord of Lunch, the Viscount of Potato Salad.

Big deal! If you were smart, you'd have waited for the price of gold to go up. Everyone's a critic.

'To you it may contain 'a surfeit of soluble, optically active carbohydrates derives from higher alcohols'. To me, it's sweet.'

'Your baseball card has more value than you do.'

Now Showing: "Mucky Wucky" Rated Z. That means Roger Ebert slept through it.

"This wasn't me, it was the bottle talking."

Chimp with mail-order anthill.

"If there's anything we can do to make your stay more pleasant, just rant about it all over the Internet."

"It's not just a special advertising section,- it's a very special advertising section."

'I can't identify with any brand emotionally!'

"Oh, I was looking for something with a little more hay."

"I don't know - none of these cookies offer an engaging brand narrative."

"We were unable to release his grip on the smart phone."

"What kind of moviemaking do we want to reinforce?"

'Don't look now, but Cain and Abel messed up your 'Natural Selection' program.'

A butcher's counter is divided between 'delicious,' 'not bad' and 'edible.'

"The difference between criminal geniuses and politicians is none of them are geniuses."

"Gucci, Gucci, Gucci."

'I ordered it from the catalog.'

"The end is near!" "That's true!"

Donut Eating Contest

Your big moment on Altra Gameshow

"Hey, wanna get kinky and read each other's catalogues?"

'And, as you taste the wine, various sensations are recorded and transmitted to your brain for later befuddlement.'