Lab Rat Enthusiast T-Shirts

"You're research is very promising. It's just a shame you're afraid of mice"

'. . . And I'm taking the lab rats with me!'

Lab Rat Entrepreneur.

Though he created more than 300 products from peanuts, George Washington Carver was unable to change even one of them back into a peanut.

"We're bringing the arts and sciences together here by giving crayons to mice."

THE PIED PIPER OF GRAMERCY PARK

'Poor Kleinzweck -- his working hypothesis got laid off.'

'Well, I guess we're the control group.'

'How about a toast to my breakthrough?!'

"Oh, puhleeese. No one's going to steal your idea."

"What lead you to growing human tests in a test tube?"

''Science moves but slowly, slowly, creeping on from point to point'. Tennyson.'

"If we crunch the numbers, it should have zero calories."

'I'm growing mini human brains from stem cells.'

'Alright, just this once. One, two, three, four, five...'

'You've made a breakthrough in FINANCIAL research?', 'Yep! - I split the ATM!'

'Hey, it's that peeping Tom again, the one who has no respect for privacy.'

'Wow! Oh, wait -- It's only a Nobel consolation prize.'

"Okay, who's been messing with the copy machine?"

"I feel so seen right now."

Celebrity anagrams: Is a salt water rat (Answer: Alastair Stewart)

"The search for a new painkiller has been a real headache."

"Why 'Black Death'? Why not 'rodent-related'?"

'Sorry, Professor Kleinzweck -- your 'Chaos Theory' program just crashed.'

The Pied Piper is mobbed by fans.

Impartial Testing: "Eeny, meeny, money, moe..."

"You will note that their ability to comprehend, assess and process information increases dramatically when Professor Podhertz throws in the cat."

"So Dennis, Daphne tells us you work for Delta Medical Research Laboraties."

'I didn't exactly write the article, but...well, I didn't exactly do the research either.'

'You can't call it a miracle drug just because you added miracle whip!'

'Reallly Miss Jones...all this fuss over a silly little spider!'

'...then add some of the yellow powder to those blue crystals, heat it for a while, and see how you like it.'

Scientist with test tube.

"We're isolating the obesity gene, but only to make fun of it."

(Pirate about rat): 'We became buddies when they threw me in the hole.'