Lab Rat Enthusiast T-Shirts

"You're research is very promising. It's just a shame you're afraid of mice"

'. . . And I'm taking the lab rats with me!'

Lab Rat Entrepreneur.

Though he created more than 300 products from peanuts, George Washington Carver was unable to change even one of them back into a peanut.

"We're bringing the arts and sciences together here by giving crayons to mice."

THE PIED PIPER OF GRAMERCY PARK

'Poor Kleinzweck -- his working hypothesis got laid off.'

Armstrong? Why did UPS just deliver a microscope, a robotic arm, a huge incubator, a nucleus extractor and a dozen lab rats? Well, it's certainly not so I can replace you with an army of clones programmed to work for free. Well

'Well, I guess we're the control group.'

'How about a toast to my breakthrough?!'

"What lead you to growing human tests in a test tube?"

"Oh, puhleeese. No one's going to steal your idea."

''Science moves but slowly, slowly, creeping on from point to point'. Tennyson.'

"If we crunch the numbers, it should have zero calories."

Where did you learn alchemy? Elementary school.

'I'm growing mini human brains from stem cells.'

'Alright, just this once. One, two, three, four, five...'

"Okay, who's been messing with the copy machine?"

'Wow! Oh, wait -- It's only a Nobel consolation prize.'

'Hey, it's that peeping Tom again, the one who has no respect for privacy.'

'You've made a breakthrough in FINANCIAL research?', 'Yep! - I split the ATM!'

"I feel so seen right now."

"Why 'Black Death'? Why not 'rodent-related'?"

I think we may have genetically overmodified the tomatoes.

Impartial Testing: "Eeny, meeny, money, moe..."

Celebrity anagrams: Is a salt water rat (Answer: Alastair Stewart)

'Sorry, Professor Kleinzweck -- your 'Chaos Theory' program just crashed.'

"The search for a new painkiller has been a real headache."

The Pied Piper is mobbed by fans.

"You will note that their ability to comprehend, assess and process information increases dramatically when Professor Podhertz throws in the cat."

"So Dennis, Daphne tells us you work for Delta Medical Research Laboraties."

'I didn't exactly write the article, but...well, I didn't exactly do the research either.'

'You can't call it a miracle drug just because you added miracle whip!'

'...then add some of the yellow powder to those blue crystals, heat it for a while, and see how you like it.'

'Reallly Miss Jones...all this fuss over a silly little spider!'