Rat Enthusiast T-Shirts

'We're researching 'road rage'.'

"It's a flea collar: I don't want a plague on my conscience..."

The control group is non-smoking!

"Play Misty for me."

Talking to rats - "One more crack about my seamanship and you're off the captains table."

A planet like ours - "I think I've eaten something that's off."

Smiling rat.

'Which one's Sammy?'

"You MUST come and visit our new house... it's an absolute DUMP!!"

"This place is perfect. It must have been built for us."

"Please continue as a lab rat, we have five mouths to feed!"

'I can smell a rat, sergeant!'

"Bugger off! I'm busking."

Hamelin Folk Tunes.

'You've even got an infectious laugh.'

HM Prison Vet

"I hope you work out better than my last roommate. He had backaches, dizziness, and an erection that lasted four hours."

"Ah - the smell of untreated sewage in the morning."

The ultimate in rodent paradise.

"You know, at any given moment, you're not more than 6 ft away from one of them."

"O.K., well, think about it, but remember, I find my own food, I'm quiet, and you don't have to take me for walks."

"Hey! Get a load of the acoustics."

THE PIED PIPER OF GRAMERCY PARK

"We're bringing the arts and sciences together here by giving crayons to mice."

Cut out and keep your own Frank Sinatra.

'Well, I guess we're the control group.'

Miami Mice

Mouse Sidewalk Cafe

"Why 'Black Death'? Why not 'rodent-related'?"

Celebrity anagrams: Is a salt water rat (Answer: Alastair Stewart)

Year of the Rat

"I know the cat's away but why don't we watch a couple of boxsets, order a pizza and grab an early night."

The Pied Piper is mobbed by fans.

"So Dennis, Daphne tells us you work for Delta Medical Research Laboraties."

"This stuff worked pretty well on me."