Lab Rat Fan T-Shirts

"You will note that their ability to comprehend, assess and process information increases dramatically when Professor Podhertz throws in the cat."

Authorized rodents only.

'No doubt about it. As long as they don't understand the concept of medicine, the placebo won't work.

"You know, ever since I've started working here, I've had this craving for cheese."

"We're bringing the arts and sciences together here by giving crayons to mice."

THE PIED PIPER OF GRAMERCY PARK

'You do a passable Jerry Lewis, but your Frank Sinatra stinks.'

"How could we be short? You had enough chocolate for everyone on our list!"

'Well, I guess we're the control group.'

Pete would never forget the time he saw his very first nasal hare.

"Oh, puhleeese. No one's going to steal your idea."

"It's a recipe called no-cook fish chowder."

'Humans do it, why couldn't we? Instead of chasing food, we could breed it: It's all explained in my report...'

'What makes you think we have a radiation leak?'

"Oh, oh - it's getting into organic."

"Yeah, and the new job lets me work from home."

'Really? Your daddy's never given you a piggyback ride? Now, that's strange...'

"After losing my partner, I felt lost until I realized I had not only an empty shell but also a short-term accommodation business."

"So Dennis, Daphne tells us you work for Delta Medical Research Laboraties."

'My hamster fell asleep at the wheel!'

"Please continue as a lab rat, we have five mouths to feed!"

'You carry a rabbit's foot — well, that explains the rabbit fever.'

"What?! Really? You didn't ask Santa for carrots? I always ask for carrots..."

'Test results are back. Coffee, donuts, sleep deprivation. Doc, you've got to start taking better care of yourself.'

'Are you sure his hat was like that when we started?'

Some Zoomies

'How's the new insomnia pill going?'

Smiling rat.

Using dogs as greeters at church was a failed experiment.

'And how often have you been to see Die Fledemaus?'

"The statistician is coming over to explain why this is perfectly normal."

'Remember? It's me, Rick. I used to have the probe attached to my brain...'

'I can smell a rat, sergeant!'

"...31, 32, 33, 34! Boy o boy, the old lady moving in next door has 34 cats!"

'. . . And I'm taking the lab rats with me!'