Kombucha Skeptics Gifts

Ew, no! Kombucha is disgusting.

Spontaneous Kombucha

'Do I have to give thanks for all the spinach, or just the bite I'm going to eat?'

Down With Wikipedia

Waiter, what's this fly doing in my soup? "Death of a Salesman." Adapted to a fly, of course.

"Hey, Gary. Lois wanted to know if you’re up for waiting forever for reheated leftovers and sipping warm mimosas intended to ease the pain of poor service amid a cacophony of idiot tourists and 20-year-olds... you know, brunch."

Documentation Please

'No, Neville. I don't think anyone will ever open a burger bar around here. Now, finish your carrion!'

Corporate urban legends

The Humpback Whale . . . or as the Japanese call it, sushi.

"I'm not sure our family's ready for kombucha, hon."

'I'm glad I don't like spinach because if I liked it I'd eat it and I hate the stuff!'

'You've got me. Is it animal, vegetable or minestrone?'

Truth in Labeling: 'Snouts, lips, jowls, cheeks and viscera enclosed in intestine and served on a bun, Mustard optional.'

I Hate Alphabet Soup.

"Tell us about yourself, Pete."

'French onion soup. Hold the soup.'

"I'm binge ignoring everything you're binge watching."

"I made a new year's resolution to eat spinach. If I can't stand it, I'll give it up for Lent."

"The good thing about you doing a daily 30 minute walk, is it's 30 minutes when you're not stuffing your face."

"Now Harold, you know those always give you heartburn."

"Something tells me we should avoid the sushi here!"

Help. Forgot All My Account Passwords.

"It was ok, but could be improved by cooking!"

Pink Slime Burger

'How can I be sure I'm getting 100 pure orange juice?' - 'Buy an orange.'

Soda! So many useless calories! Oh? You're wondering why I'm still round if I don't drink the stuff? Well? I got fat the old-fashioned way. I eat too much.

"I say it’s not sushi grade and I say we should eat our sandwiches."

"You know, I really, really, don't like ethnic restaurants."

Just Say No to Chicken Soup

"I saw this video where a half eater American looks exactly the same after being left out for 6 months."

Smelly fish.

'We do not discuss soybeans on these premises, Mrs. Grommet.'

"One of us has to draw the line somewhere, and I draw the line at mall sushi."

Tokin' in the 1960s & Now