Knock-knock Survivor Pillows

"Slammed the door in your face, huh? Guess she really meant that NO SOLICITORS sign!"

Road sign: "Good Start, but you've still got a ways to go."

Barbeque Casualty.

Gary turns 40.

"Frank and Sheila finally get off the beaten path."

Piano and Pianist with broken legs.

'Time for your pills.'

"Sorry, but there aren't enough life jackets to go around."

"I'll be a bit late... sorry."

Holiday Sales: The Starting Line

"Coffee...Cigarettes...Bubble gum..."

"I see you do all your own stunts."

Motorway notices reading: 'Fog. But if you can read this, it isn't that bad'.

Sporting maladies.

B.O.H.I.C.A. Memorial

In case of stock market crash break glass.

'You've got a broken finger.'

"I got knocked down while jogging in heavy traffic."

'In defense of rotten movies, they DO have the remarkable ability to make it seem like maybe your life isn't flying by that fast after all!'

'You've waited on hold 45 minutes just to speak to my boss? Seriously, sir, get a life!'

"Deputy, round up a posse, I can't find my phone."

'Bloody plaster of Paris.'

"Who's there?" "Who's askin'!?"

"It was just a near-death experience, but while you're here, would you help me with this computer?"

Livin' the dream

'The hospital food was terrible, but the savings were substantial.'

Traffic Jam.

"I have bad knees."

Sling

"I hope you like sandy beaches, fresh ocean air, and bumper to bumper traffic"

"You will be pleased to know that the children said sorry!"

Lost in the shuffle, Bob refused to stop and ask for directions.

Road Construction Blues.

Turtle Haze

'It's an old baseball injury.'