Accident Survivor Pillows

"You've had six accidents?"

"You will be pleased to know that the children said sorry!"

"I got knocked down while jogging in heavy traffic."

Sling

Road sign: "Good Start, but you've still got a ways to go."

Piano and Pianist with broken legs.

Gary turns 40.

"Frank and Sheila finally get off the beaten path."

Barbeque Casualty.

They've been inseparable since the avalanche.

'After giving a recorded statement to these people, being grilled by 60 Minutes would seem like a piece of cake.'

"Sorry, but there aren't enough life jackets to go around."

"I'll be a bit late... sorry."

Holiday Sales: The Starting Line

"I didn't see the coffee table in the middle of the room, due to my visual impairment, caused by the rubbish light emitted by the government approved 150 watt energy saving bulb in my apartment..."

'...but besides this, how are you doing?'

"Coffee...Cigarettes...Bubble gum..."

Big slipper.

'It was a rare accident. Lightning struck his bed pan.'

'This is your lucky day!'

'I have this horrible premonition that he's turning into a butterfly.'

"The good news is, I got religion!"

Motorway notices reading: 'Fog. But if you can read this, it isn't that bad'.

Sporting maladies.

"I see you do all your own stunts."

In case of stock market crash break glass.

Warning: Cathartic manifestations of childhood trauma next 5 miles

'...And in case of program crashes, this model comes fully equipped with an air bag!'

"And as if that wasn't bad enough. They've discovered that I'm allergic to bandages!"

'You've got a broken finger.'

'In defense of rotten movies, they DO have the remarkable ability to make it seem like maybe your life isn't flying by that fast after all!'

"Stop moaning. I said I'm sorry."

"Deputy, round up a posse, I can't find my phone."

'Talking to John always raises my self esteem. He's such a great listener!'

'Bloody plaster of Paris.'