Accident Survivor Pillows

"You've had six accidents?"

"You will be pleased to know that the children said sorry!"

"I got knocked down while jogging in heavy traffic."

Sling

Road sign: "Good Start, but you've still got a ways to go."

Gary turns 40.

Barbeque Casualty.

Piano and Pianist with broken legs.

"Frank and Sheila finally get off the beaten path."

They've been inseparable since the avalanche.

'After giving a recorded statement to these people, being grilled by 60 Minutes would seem like a piece of cake.'

"Sorry, but there aren't enough life jackets to go around."

"I'll be a bit late... sorry."

Holiday Sales: The Starting Line

"I didn't see the coffee table in the middle of the room, due to my visual impairment, caused by the rubbish light emitted by the government approved 150 watt energy saving bulb in my apartment..."

'...but besides this, how are you doing?'

Big slipper.

"Coffee...Cigarettes...Bubble gum..."

'It was a rare accident. Lightning struck his bed pan.'

'This is your lucky day!'

'I have this horrible premonition that he's turning into a butterfly.'

"I see you do all your own stunts."

Motorway notices reading: 'Fog. But if you can read this, it isn't that bad'.

"The good news is, I got religion!"

Sporting maladies.

In case of stock market crash break glass.

'...And in case of program crashes, this model comes fully equipped with an air bag!'

"And as if that wasn't bad enough. They've discovered that I'm allergic to bandages!"

'You've got a broken finger.'

Warning: Cathartic manifestations of childhood trauma next 5 miles

'Bloody plaster of Paris.'

'So, tell me once more how climbing trees is healthier than playing computer games.'

"Deputy, round up a posse, I can't find my phone."

'In defense of rotten movies, they DO have the remarkable ability to make it seem like maybe your life isn't flying by that fast after all!'

"Stop moaning. I said I'm sorry."