Surviving An Accident Pillows

"Wow! I didn't think we were going to make it through that gap!"

"You owe your life to that dog. He pulled you to safety. Unfortunately, there's still no sign of the dog ??" or your arm."

"Frank and Sheila finally get off the beaten path."

Barbeque Casualty.

'This is Onstar, how may I help you?'

They've been inseparable since the avalanche.

'After giving a recorded statement to these people, being grilled by 60 Minutes would seem like a piece of cake.'

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

"Sorry, but there aren't enough life jackets to go around."

"I didn't see the coffee table in the middle of the room, due to my visual impairment, caused by the rubbish light emitted by the government approved 150 watt energy saving bulb in my apartment..."

'...but besides this, how are you doing?'

'It was a rare accident. Lightning struck his bed pan.'

"You call all this a side effect?"

Big slipper.

'This is your lucky day!'

'I have this horrible premonition that he's turning into a butterfly.'

"The good news is, I got religion!"

In case of stock market crash break glass.

"And as if that wasn't bad enough. They've discovered that I'm allergic to bandages!"

'It's good news - the car can be repaired'

'Talking to John always raises my self esteem. He's such a great listener!'

"I got knocked down while jogging in heavy traffic."

'That is one nasty whiplash!'

"Stop moaning. I said I'm sorry."

'So, tell me once more how climbing trees is healthier than playing computer games.'

'I've brought my car in to have the brake system adjusted.'

"Well, did you get motorcycle riding out of your system?"

'I didn't have a fall. I fell.'

'Does that mean no sex tonight?'

'The only part of him that wasn't broken. Solid concrete!'

'Little Tommy took the cap off the sauce bottle when he got home from school in the end.'

Sling

'It's lucky for you your legs are O.K.!'

"I never would've encouraged you to step out of your comfort zone if I'd known you were such a klutz."

'I can just make it out. She's saying 'call my hairdresser'.'