Recovering From An Accident Pillows

"On the plus side, the video of you lighting that BBQ has gone viral."

'I tell you what: If it weren't for the headrest, I would have serious whiplash right now...'

"Well, did you get motorcycle riding out of your system?"

'George,I know deer season opens tomorrow but you're not going to make it.'

"And as if that wasn't bad enough. They've discovered that I'm allergic to bandages!"

'Do you want to hear the good news first?'

Sling

"I'm sorry! Your insurance doesn't cover skiing accidents. For that you need our 'foolish and stupid' insurance."

"I raced a train to the level crossing. It was a tie."

"I had the right of way, but the other guy had the truck."

'How do you like your new, 'self rising armchair', Mum?'

'It was a rare accident. Lightning struck his bed pan.'

'I can't understand it. I was driving one way on a one way street.'

"The good news is, I got religion!"

'The good news is that I've brought you a new pair of bicycle clips...'

"I didn't see the coffee table in the middle of the room, due to my visual impairment, caused by the rubbish light emitted by the government approved 150 watt energy saving bulb in my apartment..."

'My life flashed before me Jennifer, and you weren't in it.'

'You were upwardly mobile for a minute when the car hit the tree.'

They've been inseparable since the avalanche.

'He hit his wife's new car with a golf ball, so she beat him with his golf club. That must be a really nice car.'

'The only part of him that wasn't broken. Solid concrete!'

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

"Chaplain, the lord should put warning labels on some of his creations."

"You'll have to help out here more. I pulled a hammy jumping over the moon."

Piano and Pianist with broken legs.

Barbeque Casualty.

"It's from my first fight. So make the stitches big so I'll have a gnarly scar to show off."

"L.L. Bean slippers... $25.00 Ambulance ride to hospital... $500.00 X-rays of spine... $350.00 Three refills of hydrocodone... priceless!"

Kid with plaster cast being sawn off.

'You seem rather ungrateful Mr. Jenkins. This new drug means you'll never have hayfever again.'

'Very funny!'

Saline Drip Sommelier.

'After giving a recorded statement to these people, being grilled by 60 Minutes would seem like a piece of cake.'

"I'm sorry, Chuckles. We had to remove your funny bone."