Car Accident Survivor Pillows

'We just need to increase our collision policy enough to cover the amount of damage to our car from Joy backing into our neighbor's car, rick.'

Road sign: "Good Start, but you've still got a ways to go."

Gary turns 40.

"Frank and Sheila finally get off the beaten path."

Barbeque Casualty.

Piano and Pianist with broken legs.

'After giving a recorded statement to these people, being grilled by 60 Minutes would seem like a piece of cake.'

"Sorry, but there aren't enough life jackets to go around."

"I'll be a bit late... sorry."

Holiday Sales: The Starting Line

'...but besides this, how are you doing?'

"It's a narrative I didn't intend."

Big slipper.

"Coffee...Cigarettes...Bubble gum..."

'This is your lucky day!'

'I have this horrible premonition that he's turning into a butterfly.'

Motorway notices reading: 'Fog. But if you can read this, it isn't that bad'.

Sporting maladies.

"I see you do all your own stunts."

In case of stock market crash break glass.

'You've got a broken finger.'

'It's good news - the car can be repaired'

'So, tell me once more how climbing trees is healthier than playing computer games.'

"Deputy, round up a posse, I can't find my phone."

"I got knocked down while jogging in heavy traffic."

'Bloody plaster of Paris.'

'Talking to John always raises my self esteem. He's such a great listener!'

"Stop moaning. I said I'm sorry."

'Does that mean no sex tonight?'

'I didn't have a fall. I fell.'

"I hope you like sandy beaches, fresh ocean air, and bumper to bumper traffic"

'Little Tommy took the cap off the sauce bottle when he got home from school in the end.'

"I never would've encouraged you to step out of your comfort zone if I'd known you were such a klutz."