Knock-knock Jokester Pillows

"Knock knock."

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

"I saved us a hundred bucks on a Jolly Jumper."

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozak.

"It's World Cup Soccer, Tia Carmen. The U.S. vs England."

'I hate to say I told you so, Larry, but that's why you check your car for bears before you put on your seatbelt.'

A crab with a utility knife claw

It's an autobiography of a guy who spent his whole life trying to get his first @#^& book published. Editor.

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

"Your therapy will be a combination of drugs and clowns."

Student to math teacher: 'My dog ate my homework and got arithmetics.'

I think he's joking. "Placebo" can't be a real medical science term. It sounds like a funny name for a clown.

Drainpipe in a sombrero.

"Okay, who's been messing with the copy machine?"

'One hundred and forty? You don't look a day over one hundred and thirty nine!'

"This is our most practical model. It comes with a 21-year warranty."

"Your toilet water over ice, sir. And how is the homework?"

"Apparently, I'm fun, but I'm no fun in bed."

'What, not even a kiss first?'

"You idiots … we lost!"

Lengray's 1,001 practical Jokes for beginners (a man getting punched in the face with a mechanical glove).

Dorothy gets a visit from her funny Valentine.

'Todd don't be such a clown...'

"The good news is that you will have a healthy baby girl. The bad news is that she is a congenital liar."

'This painting's in very poor taste.' 'Yes. It's from his sour grapes period.'

Clerk: 'Boy that Delivery guy sure has a THICK accent!'

Peniteniary for the terminally silly.

Practical joke, violent offender rehab center: 'Relate to me!'

'I can't make it, I'm dead.'

"You know darn well my maiden name wasn't Rex. Why do you ask?"

'The electricians hot-wired the building inspector's car seat again.'

That's no largemouth bass, son - You caught yourself a rare blabbermouth bass. I'm nothin'! A nobody! Throw me back and I'll show you where the really big fish are!

Dry Hard with a Vengeance

"Is there a humorist in the house?"