Kitten Fan Gifts

Why cat people prefer paper to plastic.

"You're new on catapults aren't you Murphy?"

On his desk, a cat has an in box, out box and litter box.

Police Feline Unit

'If Earwigs looked like baby seals:'

"And as soon as he's on the mend,we'll get the physiotherapist in here with a ball of twine."

'Do you have any catsup?'

"You were right: I don't like water, but I do love snow!"

'Oh, really?... I'm actually more of a dog person.'

"Oh, yeah, that's the spot... just stay there... hurt so good... a little harder—yes! You are my hero, no kidding, I freaking love y-oooh..."

'Wow, talk about shedding!'

"You understand that they call you 'good boy' because they can't remember your name, right? They never forget my name, they care about me..."

Ricky discovers only cartoon cats can fly.

"I know we got early to catch him...but he looks so cute I just can't eat him!"

'Of course I'm being catty. How else do you expect me to act?'

"As you can hear, it has an engine that purrs ... '

Fluffy explains her string theory.

'Simply put, we are on our ninth life!'

"Well, it's disappointing: Young Master seems to use the term 'best friend' for anybody who pays him the slightest attention..."

"Stock options won't do it. I'll also need a ball of yarn."

'I don't care if Jackson Pollock did start out this way. We are drawing kittens.'

'I just love that little fluffy grey kitten!'

'Oh come on! I can't be that bad!'

Okay, start shouting them in for their annual bonuses.

"I didn't really start applying myself seriously until around the eighth life."

Cat mistakes bars for toilets.

"Dear Diary: Today I ate, groomed, napped. Ate, groomed, napped. Ate, groomed, napped ... HAIRBALL!!"

'It was part way through the initial investigation that detective Walters felt as if he was being watched, but there was no one in the room. No one that is except the cat, who sat contently on the chair and watched him with an almost human repose.'

Woman pins up a Lost Cat poster on a telegraph pole, but the cat is hiding from her behind the pole.

'I tried to organize a stampede, but everybody has their own agenda.'

"Get your polka-dot butt out of my leaves!"

'I'm making you our receiving manager. Now, go fetch!'

'We know you have a cat.'

'HEEL!...HEEL!'

"So, you want your owners to write you off and treat you more like their kid?"