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Recipes From The "I Really, REALLY Hate To Cook" Cookbook

'I quit!'

'Cookery is the new rock n' roll'

'We'll have to eat out tonight -- the FDA issued a warning against everything we've got in the kitchen.'

'Ready Steady Punk'

"Management wants a word with you."

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

'I ran out of sugar, so I used salt.'

"'TSP' stands for 'teaspoon' not 'two solid pounds'!"

Recipes from the Jean-Paul Sartre Cookbook

"I remember his last words were, 'Another bite and I'll burst!'..."

Party time.

"The recipe said to let the chicken rest after it comes out of the oven!"

Lockdown casserole

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

Garlic Free Zone.

"We'll start with the dessert menu."

Culinary Breakthroughs During Social Distancing

"Valet park only"

'Preparing rocket salad isn't domestic science, ladies.'

'and then stand in dish for two hours.'

Recipe involving the switching off of the smoke alarm...

"I bet you can't name one person who makes a better lengua casserole than me!"

"I'm unable to process this image."

'I never knew baking was such a violent activity. You have to beat the eggs, whip the cream, and mash the nuts.'

Blog Breakdown

Toxic Waste Lorry/Toxic Additives Lorry

"Fridge-to-table"

"It's my family's special recipe, passed down through generations on the cream cheese package."

'I had the recipe upside down, so it's beefed corn.'

"Red wine with fish? Sometimes you really are a monster."

Woman reads Nigella Lawson cook book: 'Add butter to the mixture, remembering to moisten your lips ... whisk for three to four minutes, pouting throughout ...'

Recipes.

'Just add eggs. That sounds easy.'

'You don't appreciate anything I cook!'