Kitchen Planner Pillows

"I promise you. One day granite kitchens will be the in thing."

A slice of bread walks a tightrope between slots on the toaster.

Soup of the month.

"That's it. We’re toast."

'My diet's good...I'm two weeks ahead of schedule.'

'Like death by salad.'

'Don't look at me. I'm not the one who puts the measuring cups where I can't reach them.'

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

"....Oh, and the dog's eaten all the fridge magnets."

"Mom, does the Russian borscht you made for dinner give me foreign-policy experience?"

Too much cilantro

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

'Men order. . . women shop.'

"Incredible! Once again, you've made the perfect piece of toast."

"I thought the cake came out awfully dense."

'The vegetables sat in the crisper for hours...days...a whole week. Then suddenly, the drawer opened. A hand reached in, grabbed the kale, and all you could hear was the sound of...A Garbage disposal.'

Salt and Pepper

The Perfect Foil

Flour, sugar, earth, air, fire, water.

"Ok, ok, we'll travel back to dinnertime one more time, but then it's my turn to choose."

“Our numbers grow greater and greater. Soon the era of the spices will be at hand”

"Keep in mind, this dish is best served in a restaurant cooked by anyone other than you."

"I'm very health conscious. I only eat animals that are vegetarians"

'Shall we turn the extractor fan down a bit...?'

"I hope you're not using any of the canned food I so diligently stockpiled.

"Do we really need the interactive garbage disposer?"

Cookery Lesson.

"I'm unable to process this image."

Boy baking a cake.

"I'm putting you on a high fiber low taste diet."

'I'm saving some for leftovers tomorrow.'

'Do we have any empty calories in this house!!'

"That's the door to the gym, past all the snack machines."

Entertainment systems

"All new appliances, brand new subway tile backsplash and a unique kitchen island; notice those coconuts!"