Gourmet Planner Pillows

"What would you suggest as a dinner strategy?"

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

La Table

'My diet's good...I'm two weeks ahead of schedule.'

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

'Like death by salad.'

"You say your crème needs more Brulée?"

"...But ASIDE from that, how was your trip to France?"

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

Every time you make a blend, somewhere, a wine maker dies.

"I cook the sausages in French mineral water, I wear a French beret and I can call you 'Monsieur'."

Jeff soon discovered his mistake in ordering the one ton soup.

"You have a big check because you had a big wine."

"Cancel the trip. The cook didn't get a visa."

'Men order. . . women shop.'

'What wine goes with comfort foods?'

"Ok, ok, we'll travel back to dinnertime one more time, but then it's my turn to choose."

'I'm sorry, sir, but it's hats off for the Chef's Special!'

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

"We'd like the roasted homework for two. And fetch us a bottle of your finest toilet water."

'You want to eat out tonight? -- What if we get addicted to good food?'

"I'm very health conscious. I only eat animals that are vegetarians"

"I didn't invent the wheel. I invented the pizza."

"Yes, he is a celebrity chef, but he doesn't have any opinions on Iraq."

"We can hit any creperie you want, sonny boy."

Join me for dinner?

Haute Chinese

Bad gifts

"Waiter... my entrée fell over."

'How was the squid?'

"And finally the chef's surprise - the check!"

Man with a 'menu', woman with a 'womenu'.