Gourmet Daydreamer Pillows

Woman watching cookery show on TV while cooking a microwave meal.

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

"Oh, look- French! Let's try it."

"I cook the sausages in French mineral water, I wear a French beret and I can call you 'Monsieur'."

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

Gaston's Gourmet Truckstop

"Grass...Grass and more damn grass... What I wouldn't give for a lightly poached Dover sole with a garlic infused tarragon sauce."

'You're lucky there, Sir. That's the last one in the world.'

I wish I'd had the review.

Holiday Supplies

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

"You've ordered comfort food. May I recommend a comfort wine?"

'I'm sorry, sir, but it's hats off for the Chef's Special!'

"I think foie gras is French for endless buffet."

"We'd like the roasted homework for two. And fetch us a bottle of your finest toilet water."

"It's a Haiku Dinner."

"I pray that he will enjoy my pie..." "The smell's enough to make me cry!"

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

"They won't even try their palate cleansers!"

"It's been redacted to produce our sauces."

"I don’t know, Margaret. She looks like the type who makes exotic stuffings."

"The prices they charge here, you'd expect them to have an oven not just a gas ring!"

'I'll give you a bite of my calamari for one of your stuffed shrimp.'

Haute Chinese

"Then again, an honest profile picture would not have got me a wonderful 'Duck Confit with a Chocolat Creme Brulee.'"

Leftovers restaurant - for that unpretentious dining.

"There must be a place we can wait on line for an hour before eating."

'May I suggest a pleasant viognier to put the subtext into gear?'

"Yes, he is a celebrity chef, but he doesn't have any opinions on Iraq."

Join me for dinner?

Platter confusion.

"Waiter... my entrée fell over."

"Who ordered the moose en croute?"