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"What would you suggest as a dinner strategy?"

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

'My diet's good...I'm two weeks ahead of schedule.'

School Cafeteria. It's the start of the school year. The Geometry teacher will come by to verify that we're serving truly square meals. The grammar teacher says the alphabet soup is runny and needs some punctuation added. History teachers keep a record of all the past meals and so will notice any leftovers being served. And the computer lab staff expressed concern about all the cookies so the astronomy teacher suggested switching to candy for dessert. I'll bet she thinks Starburst and Milk

La Table

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

'Like death by salad.'

"You say your crème needs more Brulée?"

"...But ASIDE from that, how was your trip to France?"

"I cook the sausages in French mineral water, I wear a French beret and I can call you 'Monsieur'."

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

Every time you make a blend, somewhere, a wine maker dies.

Jeff soon discovered his mistake in ordering the one ton soup.

"You have a big check because you had a big wine."

"Cancel the trip. The cook didn't get a visa."

'Men order. . . women shop.'

'What wine goes with comfort foods?'

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

'I'm sorry, sir, but it's hats off for the Chef's Special!'

"Ok, ok, we'll travel back to dinnertime one more time, but then it's my turn to choose."

'You want to eat out tonight? -- What if we get addicted to good food?'

"We'd like the roasted homework for two. And fetch us a bottle of your finest toilet water."

"I'm very health conscious. I only eat animals that are vegetarians"

"I didn't invent the wheel. I invented the pizza."

"Don't worry about it now, but I'll need that hook back when you're done."

"Yes, he is a celebrity chef, but he doesn't have any opinions on Iraq."

"We can hit any creperie you want, sonny boy."

Join me for dinner?

"Waiter... my entrée fell over."

Bad gifts

Haute Chinese

I told you I got us the best table in the house. Pizza.

'How was the squid?'

Man with a 'menu', woman with a 'womenu'.