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"I promise you. One day granite kitchens will be the in thing."

A slice of bread walks a tightrope between slots on the toaster.

School Cafeteria. It's the start of the school year. The Geometry teacher will come by to verify that we're serving truly square meals. The grammar teacher says the alphabet soup is runny and needs some punctuation added. History teachers keep a record of all the past meals and so will notice any leftovers being served. And the computer lab staff expressed concern about all the cookies so the astronomy teacher suggested switching to candy for dessert. I'll bet she thinks Starburst and Milk

'My diet's good...I'm two weeks ahead of schedule.'

"That's it. We’re toast."

Soup of the month.

'Like death by salad.'

'Don't look at me. I'm not the one who puts the measuring cups where I can't reach them.'

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

"....Oh, and the dog's eaten all the fridge magnets."

Too much cilantro

"Mom, does the Russian borscht you made for dinner give me foreign-policy experience?"

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

"Incredible! Once again, you've made the perfect piece of toast."

'Men order. . . women shop.'

'The vegetables sat in the crisper for hours...days...a whole week. Then suddenly, the drawer opened. A hand reached in, grabbed the kale, and all you could hear was the sound of...A Garbage disposal.'

"I thought the cake came out awfully dense."

Salt and Pepper

“Our numbers grow greater and greater. Soon the era of the spices will be at hand”

Flour, sugar, earth, air, fire, water.

"Ok, ok, we'll travel back to dinnertime one more time, but then it's my turn to choose."

The Perfect Foil

"Keep in mind, this dish is best served in a restaurant cooked by anyone other than you."

"I'm very health conscious. I only eat animals that are vegetarians"

'Shall we turn the extractor fan down a bit...?'

"I hope you're not using any of the canned food I so diligently stockpiled.

Cookery Lesson.

"I'm unable to process this image."

"Do we really need the interactive garbage disposer?"

'Do we have any empty calories in this house!!'

'I'm saving some for leftovers tomorrow.'

"That's the door to the gym, past all the snack machines."

Boy baking a cake.

"I'm putting you on a high fiber low taste diet."

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