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Snow & Flo series: Questionable cooking.

It's a male thing - I saw a toaster with power assist, and I bought it.

'A religious zealot denounces a toaster for working on the Sabbath'

Jeff soon discovered his mistake in ordering the one ton soup.

"I remember his last words were, 'Another bite and I'll burst!'..."

'Does this thing get channel four.'

"Still haven't quite figured out the pressure cooker, huh dad?"

"Are you sure you want to see the kitchen? The chef is naked."

'The stage hypnotist was great, he regressed Jeff to a previous life, and discovered that he was a layabout then, too.'

"Karen's idea of wine reduction..."

'and then stand in dish for two hours.'

"Ma'am, you don't have an ant problem. They're coffee grounds."

"It's a recipe from the 'Anti-Christ' cookbook."

"I warned you not to use parts from the microwave oven, to mend the electric blanket...."

It's all gravy.

"Mrs. Simpson would like the recipe for your 'delicious steak pie', dear. Do you think you could dig the packet out of the recycling tub?"

"On. More. Try."

My old recipes have so many food stains they're practically scratch and sniff.

The guy who took a wrong turn off the electronic superhighway and wound up in a microwave oven in Davenport, Iowa.

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

"Cooking Tip # 23: If at first you don't succeed, feed it to the cat."

'Sorry about that - Lenny accidentally used jumping beans.'

"Simple tasks were a challenge for Chad. Awww, geez. Another upside down spoon."

"Rosalie's signature chicken dish is simplicity itself."

"Does it come with magnets?"

'To her...the basic 4 food groups are canned, frozen, fast and delivered.'

"What better way to start your day than to eat and pray before we play!"

'So why do you need a ladder to eat a pancake'

'And I've teamed that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager.'

'Did you follow a recipe book for this dish?'

'We'll have to eat out tonight -- I misplaced a decimal point in the cookbook.'

'Why can't I make my pastry light?'