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Klutz discount day at the amusement park.

'Not sport. It's an old 'spork' injury. I jabbed myself eating mellon balls.'

Got the clumsies?

Jeff soon discovered his mistake in ordering the one ton soup.

Piggy bank #6: Union Jack.

"Well, he promised you the moon and stars."

'Does this thing get channel four.'

"Still haven't quite figured out the pressure cooker, huh dad?"

"Karen's idea of wine reduction..."

'and then stand in dish for two hours.'

"Ma'am, you don't have an ant problem. They're coffee grounds."

"On. More. Try."

"I warned you not to use parts from the microwave oven, to mend the electric blanket...."

"Mrs. Simpson would like the recipe for your 'delicious steak pie', dear. Do you think you could dig the packet out of the recycling tub?"

"It's a recipe from the 'Anti-Christ' cookbook."

My old recipes have so many food stains they're practically scratch and sniff.

'I bet those are the accident reports.'

"Cooking Tip # 23: If at first you don't succeed, feed it to the cat."

'To her...the basic 4 food groups are canned, frozen, fast and delivered.'

'Sorry about that - Lenny accidentally used jumping beans.'

"Rosalie's signature chicken dish is simplicity itself."

'So why do you need a ladder to eat a pancake'

"What better way to start your day than to eat and pray before we play!"

The Coordination Committee meets. . .

'And I've teamed that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager.'

'Did you follow a recipe book for this dish?'

'We'll have to eat out tonight -- I misplaced a decimal point in the cookbook.'

'Trying to eat her dinners is the only exercise I get.'

'Why can't I make my pastry light?'

'Wow- you're one helluva great cook! Even the stuff you ordered from the delivery store is burned!'

"I'm here to fix the lasagne."

"A fly in your soup Sir? Don't worry, it won't live long in that stuff..."

"Have I ever told you how sexy you look when you overcook the salmon?"

'I burnt my hand in hot water.' - 'Why didn't you feel it before putting your hand in?'