Klutz Enthusiast Pillows

Klutz discount day at the amusement park.

'Not sport. It's an old 'spork' injury. I jabbed myself eating mellon balls.'

Got the clumsies?

Piggy bank #6: Union Jack.

Jeff soon discovered his mistake in ordering the one ton soup.

"Well, he promised you the moon and stars."

'Does this thing get channel four.'

"Still haven't quite figured out the pressure cooker, huh dad?"

"Karen's idea of wine reduction..."

'and then stand in dish for two hours.'

"Don't worry about it now, but I'll need that hook back when you're done."

"Ma'am, you don't have an ant problem. They're coffee grounds."

"I warned you not to use parts from the microwave oven, to mend the electric blanket...."

"On. More. Try."

My old recipes have so many food stains they're practically scratch and sniff.

"Mrs. Simpson would like the recipe for your 'delicious steak pie', dear. Do you think you could dig the packet out of the recycling tub?"

"It's a recipe from the 'Anti-Christ' cookbook."

'I bet those are the accident reports.'

'So why do you need a ladder to eat a pancake'

'To her...the basic 4 food groups are canned, frozen, fast and delivered.'

'Sorry about that - Lenny accidentally used jumping beans.'

"Cooking Tip # 23: If at first you don't succeed, feed it to the cat."

Accident-Prone Support Group.

"What better way to start your day than to eat and pray before we play!"

"Rosalie's signature chicken dish is simplicity itself."

The Coordination Committee meets. . .

'And I've teamed that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager.'

'Did you follow a recipe book for this dish?'

'We'll have to eat out tonight -- I misplaced a decimal point in the cookbook.'

'Wow- you're one helluva great cook! Even the stuff you ordered from the delivery store is burned!'

'Why can't I make my pastry light?'

'Trying to eat her dinners is the only exercise I get.'

"Just keep your eyes closed - it'll only upset you."

"I'm here to fix the lasagne."

"Have I ever told you how sexy you look when you overcook the salmon?"