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Where the hokey pokey went wrong.

Jeff soon discovered his mistake in ordering the one ton soup.

"Well, he promised you the moon and stars."

'Does this thing get channel four.'

"Still haven't quite figured out the pressure cooker, huh dad?"

"Karen's idea of wine reduction..."

'and then stand in dish for two hours.'

"Don't worry about it now, but I'll need that hook back when you're done."

"Ma'am, you don't have an ant problem. They're coffee grounds."

"I warned you not to use parts from the microwave oven, to mend the electric blanket...."

"Mrs. Simpson would like the recipe for your 'delicious steak pie', dear. Do you think you could dig the packet out of the recycling tub?"

"It's a recipe from the 'Anti-Christ' cookbook."

My old recipes have so many food stains they're practically scratch and sniff.

"On. More. Try."

Comparing lottery odds with bus punctuality.

'I bet those are the accident reports.'

'So why do you need a ladder to eat a pancake'

Accident-Prone Support Group.

'Sorry about that - Lenny accidentally used jumping beans.'

The Coordination Committee meets. . .

"Simple tasks were a challenge for Chad. Awww, geez. Another upside down spoon."

"Rosalie's signature chicken dish is simplicity itself."

'To her...the basic 4 food groups are canned, frozen, fast and delivered.'

"What better way to start your day than to eat and pray before we play!"

"Cooking Tip # 23: If at first you don't succeed, feed it to the cat."

'And I've teamed that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager.'

'We'll have to eat out tonight -- I misplaced a decimal point in the cookbook.'

'Did you follow a recipe book for this dish?'

'Wow- you're one helluva great cook! Even the stuff you ordered from the delivery store is burned!'

'Trying to eat her dinners is the only exercise I get.'

'Why can't I make my pastry light?'

"Just keep your eyes closed - it'll only upset you."

"I'm here to fix the lasagne."

'I burnt my hand in hot water.' - 'Why didn't you feel it before putting your hand in?'

These scramble eggs are a tad crunchy. Did you leave the shells on again, Darling?