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"Well, he promised you the moon and stars."

Life on Earth - dog bandage.

Jeff soon discovered his mistake in ordering the one ton soup.

'Does this thing get channel four.'

"Still haven't quite figured out the pressure cooker, huh dad?"

"Karen's idea of wine reduction..."

'and then stand in dish for two hours.'

"Ma'am, you don't have an ant problem. They're coffee grounds."

"On. More. Try."

"I warned you not to use parts from the microwave oven, to mend the electric blanket...."

"Mrs. Simpson would like the recipe for your 'delicious steak pie', dear. Do you think you could dig the packet out of the recycling tub?"

"It's a recipe from the 'Anti-Christ' cookbook."

My old recipes have so many food stains they're practically scratch and sniff.

'I bet those are the accident reports.'

"Simple tasks were a challenge for Chad. Awww, geez. Another upside down spoon."

'To her...the basic 4 food groups are canned, frozen, fast and delivered.'

'So why do you need a ladder to eat a pancake'

'Sorry about that - Lenny accidentally used jumping beans.'

The Coordination Committee meets. . .

"Cooking Tip # 23: If at first you don't succeed, feed it to the cat."

"Rosalie's signature chicken dish is simplicity itself."

"What better way to start your day than to eat and pray before we play!"

'And I've teamed that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager.'

'Did you follow a recipe book for this dish?'

'We'll have to eat out tonight -- I misplaced a decimal point in the cookbook.'

'Trying to eat her dinners is the only exercise I get.'

'Why can't I make my pastry light?'

'Wow- you're one helluva great cook! Even the stuff you ordered from the delivery store is burned!'

"I'm here to fix the lasagne."

'That's all right, dear -- I'll just pick something up on the way to work.'

"A fly in your soup Sir? Don't worry, it won't live long in that stuff..."

'I've done the washing up - Do we have any glue?'

"Have I ever told you how sexy you look when you overcook the salmon?"

'I burnt my hand in hot water.' - 'Why didn't you feel it before putting your hand in?'