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'I bet those are the accident reports.'

Jeff soon discovered his mistake in ordering the one ton soup.

"Well, he promised you the moon and stars."

'Does this thing get channel four.'

"Still haven't quite figured out the pressure cooker, huh dad?"

"Karen's idea of wine reduction..."

'and then stand in dish for two hours.'

"Don't worry about it now, but I'll need that hook back when you're done."

"Ma'am, you don't have an ant problem. They're coffee grounds."

My old recipes have so many food stains they're practically scratch and sniff.

"It's a recipe from the 'Anti-Christ' cookbook."

"On. More. Try."

"Mrs. Simpson would like the recipe for your 'delicious steak pie', dear. Do you think you could dig the packet out of the recycling tub?"

"I warned you not to use parts from the microwave oven, to mend the electric blanket...."

"Rosalie's signature chicken dish is simplicity itself."

"Simple tasks were a challenge for Chad. Awww, geez. Another upside down spoon."

The Coordination Committee meets. . .

'So why do you need a ladder to eat a pancake'

'Sorry about that - Lenny accidentally used jumping beans.'

'To her...the basic 4 food groups are canned, frozen, fast and delivered.'

"What better way to start your day than to eat and pray before we play!"

"Cooking Tip # 23: If at first you don't succeed, feed it to the cat."

Accident-Prone Support Group.

'And I've teamed that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager.'

'We'll have to eat out tonight -- I misplaced a decimal point in the cookbook.'

'Did you follow a recipe book for this dish?'

'Wow- you're one helluva great cook! Even the stuff you ordered from the delivery store is burned!'

'Trying to eat her dinners is the only exercise I get.'

'Why can't I make my pastry light?'

"Just keep your eyes closed - it'll only upset you."

"I'm here to fix the lasagne."

'I've done the washing up - Do we have any glue?'

'I burnt my hand in hot water.' - 'Why didn't you feel it before putting your hand in?'

These scramble eggs are a tad crunchy. Did you leave the shells on again, Darling?

"Have I ever told you how sexy you look when you overcook the salmon?"