Kitchen Defender T-Shirts

'Noooo! You idiot! For crying out loud! Sear it first! Then a slow oven.'

"O young, naive one...you must know the golden rule of the kitchen. To avoid the mother of all disrespects...never criticize the cooking of a family elder."

"I call it 'rage loaf'."

'What? You ate the gateau instead of throwing it into my face?? You insensitive, egotistical brute! You don't love me anymore!'

Party time.

'Will you be long, fixing this leak? I'll have to put my Bert's dinner on in ten minutes.'

PREPARING A POMEGRANATE FOR DUMMIES

See, eating healthy isn't so bad...."

Boy with bat using toaster to launch bread for him to practise hitting

Slices of bread rescuing burnt toast.

There! I've made my year's supply of zucchini bread! That's kind of a lot. How can you store them all? It's no problem. I just throw out last year's supply.

“Our numbers grow greater and greater. Soon the era of the spices will be at hand”

"Do you know I fought an hour with that salmon you're eating."

"'Well done' lulled him into complacency."

Well, what did you expect on the mother ship?

A butcher and his apprentice.

"The night raid on the kitchen bench was a disaster sir! The owner woke up, came downstairs for a glass of water and attacked us!"

"You know, statistically speaking, at least one of these gingerbread men is gay."

"...I should have seen it coming...The busboys, the waiters, the dishwashers, the maitre d', all stealing shrimp, caviar, lobster, but ah, the strawberries, that's where I had them?"

Boy defends his last fry.

A day in the life of a dish sink

Thanksgiving: The holiday where aluminum foil is king!

'You don't appreciate anything I cook!'

"I can't get the price sticker off this non stick pan, you sold me!"

Toastquest!

'When you've finished the washing up and you're certain you've cleaned absolutely everything... you'll always find another teaspoon.'

Castle drawbridge opens to reveal a dishwasher

'There's something wrong with the slow cooker. I check it every minute but nothing's cooking!'

The Colonel at home.

'LOOK RENOLDSON, i've had JUST about enough of your moaning and groaning! IF you can't stand the heat, GET out of the oven!' / A chef scolding his apprentice inside an oven.

"Touch that and you're a dead man."

Please pass the fire extinguisher.

Need something from the fridge? This looks like a job for...Indoorman!

'It was the last straw when she threw her lumpy gravy over me!'

"I'm making Thanksgiving dinner this year. Do you have Turkey Helper?"