Food Defender T-Shirts

Boy defends his last fry.

"O young, naive one...you must know the golden rule of the kitchen. To avoid the mother of all disrespects...never criticize the cooking of a family elder."

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

Please buzz off. That's my flower!

"Staring down the enemy in the heat of battle! That is how sausage is made!"

"Well, son. . . here your dad makes the famous 'fresh from nature' food!"

"It's been redacted to produce our sauces."

'Are you the guy who put gluten in the bread?'

"And that's where hot dogs come from."

"I will avenge you, Father."

Whole foods versus 'hole foods'.

"Do you have anything with FOOD in it?"

Loggers truck with alligator in between logs.

Deforestation

Rat Hair: Peanut Butter Ingredient.

Fish with Shield

"I have a right to disagree! You can't force me to use logic."

"It's Brooklyn clam chowder - you got a problem with that?"

"Remind me - superfood or carcinogen?"

"Sealed for your diets protection."

The final all-toast supper at apartment 5-B

"It might taste a little different. It's gluten-free slop."

"Ambitions . . . never, ever to eat broccoli again."

"Don't eat anything fatty...you're not listening, Fatty...I said, 'Don't eat anything!'"

"Looks like the universe isn't the only thing that' s expanding!"

'No, we wouldn't want to ask God's blessing on something evil, but carrots aren't evil.'

The Moth Menace.

"Excuse me, sir! Do these vegetables have any dangerous additives?"

'Whew! Looks like the Tuna Surprise isn't much of a hit!'

'To help me stay on my diet, I've hired a portion control officer.'

"With religion and politics off the table, the only thing left to argue about is gluten."

'Noooo! You idiot! For crying out loud! Sear it first! Then a slow oven.'

Food Court. Hey, a "food court"! Let's go file a lawsuit about Brussels Sprouts!

"Sorry Matilda, but we're going to have to let you go...on the bright side, I hear they're hiring over at Chik-Fi

'I excuse my weight by saying I'm eating for three. Unfortunately, the twins were born months ago.'