Food Defender T-Shirts

"O young, naive one...you must know the golden rule of the kitchen. To avoid the mother of all disrespects...never criticize the cooking of a family elder."

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

Please buzz off. That's my flower!

"Staring down the enemy in the heat of battle! That is how sausage is made!"

"It's been redacted to produce our sauces."

"Well, son. . . here your dad makes the famous 'fresh from nature' food!"

"And that's where hot dogs come from."

'Are you the guy who put gluten in the bread?'

"I will avenge you, Father."

Whole foods versus 'hole foods'.

Loggers truck with alligator in between logs.

"Do you have anything with FOOD in it?"

Rat Hair: Peanut Butter Ingredient.

Fish with Shield

Deforestation

"I have a right to disagree! You can't force me to use logic."

"It's Brooklyn clam chowder - you got a problem with that?"

"Sealed for your diets protection."

The final all-toast supper at apartment 5-B

"Don't eat anything fatty...you're not listening, Fatty...I said, 'Don't eat anything!'"

"It might taste a little different. It's gluten-free slop."

"Ambitions . . . never, ever to eat broccoli again."

"Looks like the universe isn't the only thing that' s expanding!"

The Moth Menace.

'No, we wouldn't want to ask God's blessing on something evil, but carrots aren't evil.'

"With religion and politics off the table, the only thing left to argue about is gluten."

"Excuse me, sir! Do these vegetables have any dangerous additives?"

"Sorry Matilda, but we're going to have to let you go...on the bright side, I hear they're hiring over at Chik-Fi

'To help me stay on my diet, I've hired a portion control officer.'

'Noooo! You idiot! For crying out loud! Sear it first! Then a slow oven.'

'I excuse my weight by saying I'm eating for three. Unfortunately, the twins were born months ago.'