Kitchen Crisis Magician T-Shirts

'There was a power failure today - we're having steak, fish, chicken, hamburger, turkey, and pork chops for dinner.'

Come dine with me!

A slice of bread walks a tightrope between slots on the toaster.

Hungry child

'A little piece of advice, Verl. . . cut your sandwich loaf on a diagonal . . . that way people will think they're gettin' more.'

Benihana style of cooking.

'I hope you like this, dear. I got the recipe from Gordon Ramses, latest cookery hieroglyphics.'

'You realize we're only having three people over...'

'It's just some Pour 'n' Serve, Stir 'n' Blend, Bake 'n' Slice, Mix 'n' Broil and Chop 'n' Simmer.'

Flour, sugar, earth, air, fire, water.

You're the sizzle in my roast!

"Voila!...smooth pastry." (Lady teaching chef to iron dough).

Surprise in the salad bowl

'Something new for Sunday lunch today - Corned-beef sandwiches!'

"Who shaves the fennel in your family?"

Hot pot

'Anybody for breakfast?'

"Shouldn't you use a plate?"

"It was meant to be a surprise romantic dinner for two, but to cut a long story short, it's been a recipe for disaster."

"Fridge-to-table"

"I'm making your favorite dessert, dear … seven layer cake."

'Preparing free-range chicken requires an extremely patient chef.'

The legend of Chef Arthur.

Come dine with me!

Chef's Surprise: "I'm telling everyone that tonight's special is Osso Bucco."

Bake-a-thon.

'What we were about to receive has gone the way of all flesh.'

"Oh -- just scrape it off."

Oh you smoothie

"It's good to see that... ...Tia Carmen teaching Gracie valuable family traditions passed down through the generations."

'Memorable miracles' from 'burning bush' to 'low cal ice cream'

'You followed the recipie but it's missing the secret ingredient: Mom.'

'Just call me Delia...'

"God has just spoken to me. He said he's kind of tired of pasta."