Kitchen Catastrophe Artist T-Shirts

"Honey, dinner's ready! I just have to find it."

"Darling? When you said, 'they had a fire damage sale at the grocery store'..."

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

Cookbooks

Is that pancake ready yet?

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

Roasted

'Something new for Sunday lunch today - Corned-beef sandwiches!'

'Anybody for breakfast?'

"Hang on, I know I came into the kitchen for something..."

'I burned my fingers by touching the hot breakfast eggs, but next time, I'll peel them before I put them into boiling water!'

"It was meant to be a surprise romantic dinner for two, but to cut a long story short, it's been a recipe for disaster."

'My hero!'

'What we were about to receive has gone the way of all flesh.'

'Oh, hi!... yes, we have another emergency... make it the usual, and you know the address!'

'Not beans on toast again.' - 'No, toast on beans. I dropped it.'

'We've finished the dishes, Miss. Jenny washes, I wiped, and Susan picked up all the pieces.'

'Believe it or not you're our greatest liability Jones!'

"Larry's made new friends learning to cook. He knows everyone at the Recipe Emergency Hotline."

"Maybe we were wrong to hire him just because he looks good in paper."

"I know I said I was hungry, but I'm not that hungry."

'Is it still edible?'

'This Marine Cooking School taught me a great recipe, Mom... you take one-hundred pounds of potatoes...'

"The fire department ruined dinner."

'Honey, I think you have an error message coming in from the kitchen.'

Paramedics carrying a man away after his dinner.

"You've really outdid yourself this time. A real masterpiece!"

Dave's How to Puke Book.

"The weatherman said it was important to stay cool but now I've got my foot stuck in the butter."

"There's something wrong with your dinner."

"Well it's either my dinner or my shirt."

'Please stand by. We have temporary loss of your roast.'

"George! You forgot to put the top on the popcorn popper."

Setting fire to the Christmas Pud.

'It finally happened. We have so many dishes in the sink with unidentifiable crud stuck to them that they spontaneously combusted.'