Kitchen Concertgoer Gifts

'The drum roll is very nice... but it's still leftovers.'

'Someone got me because I matched her purse, I've been to a rock concert, a night club and two weddings, Life as a designer dog is great but I'd trade caviar for kibble to get a good night's sleep,'

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

Soup of the month.

"That's it. We’re toast."

'Like death by salad.'

Orchestra.

'But Mom, I like potatoes in their jackets.'

Health and Safety Gone Mad.

'I'm sorry I missed your recital. Daddy was on the phone with his broker, checking on bond yields. It's another form of bonding, son.'

"Five hamburgers with buns, three hamburgers without buns and two buns, without hamburgers."

"This next one is my own quirky rendition of Berlioz's 'Symphonie Fantastique,' Movement 5, 'Dream of a Witches' Sabbath.'"

"Can you speak up: there's a bloody racket going on in the background."

"I hope you won't repent afterwards, Vicar, It's a devilishly hot vindaloo!"

Italica

Bassoons.

'I think I see what's making your funny noise.'

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

'White smoke means she decided what to cook. Black smoke means it's done.'

"Our cook is new, so ge's Googling what goes on a bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich as we speak."

'When you asked me over for a home-cooked meal, I assumed you'd be making it.'

"The last time I heard a beat like this I was at a Grateful Dead concert."

Johannes Sebastian Bach

"Free Bird!"

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

'I've got two tickets to Handel's Messiah -- What time do you get off work?'