Kitchen Concertgoer Gifts

'The drum roll is very nice... but it's still leftovers.'

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

'Someone got me because I matched her purse, I've been to a rock concert, a night club and two weddings, Life as a designer dog is great but I'd trade caviar for kibble to get a good night's sleep,'

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

Rhapsody in Blue.

Soup of the month.

"That's it. We’re toast."

EWE 2.

'Like death by salad.'

Orchestra.

'But Mom, I like potatoes in their jackets.'

George Michael

"Can you speak up: there's a bloody racket going on in the background."

"This next one is my own quirky rendition of Berlioz's 'Symphonie Fantastique,' Movement 5, 'Dream of a Witches' Sabbath.'"

"Five hamburgers with buns, three hamburgers without buns and two buns, without hamburgers."

'I'm sorry I missed your recital. Daddy was on the phone with his broker, checking on bond yields. It's another form of bonding, son.'

Health and Safety Gone Mad.

"I hope you won't repent afterwards, Vicar, It's a devilishly hot vindaloo!"

Elvis Presley

Italica

Bassoons.

"I specialise in themed dinners 'Titanic', 'Armageddon' , 'Towering Inferno'..."

'I think I see what's making your funny noise.'

Jarvis Cocker

"Our cook is new, so ge's Googling what goes on a bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich as we speak."

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

'I've got two tickets to Handel's Messiah -- What time do you get off work?'

Eric Clapton.

Hey, I think I found something. Heavy metal detector.

'White smoke means she decided what to cook. Black smoke means it's done.'

Why did Ernie take that off his wrist and put it here when he had to leave the kitchen? For safety reasons. A watched pot never boils. Ernie says you are what you eat. It's true in his case. Ernie is just like his food. He is sweet, and has some but not too much spice. Plus there's nothing artificial about him. Also like his food, Ernie is an acquired taste. And to me they have both become irresistibly delicious!

"The last time I heard a beat like this I was at a Grateful Dead concert."

'When you asked me over for a home-cooked meal, I assumed you'd be making it.'

"Free Bird!"