Kitchen Clown Pillows

"Kids! No watching Bobby Flay before Mommy cooks dinner!"

Who wants to lick the swatters.

Microwave - 'Table 19 sends compliments to the chef!'

'...Hoopla!'

'Hoopla!'

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

''ere - I thought you said your pans were non-stick!'

Soup of the month.

"It's how he would have wanted to go."

"That's it. We’re toast."

'Like death by salad.'

'But Mom, I like potatoes in their jackets.'

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

Wok. Don't Wok.

It turns out they don't go together so well,

"Five hamburgers with buns, three hamburgers without buns and two buns, without hamburgers."

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

"The meatloaf just tapped S.O.S. in Morse code."

"I hope you won't repent afterwards, Vicar, It's a devilishly hot vindaloo!"

Health and Safety Gone Mad.

"'TSP' stands for 'teaspoon' not 'two solid pounds'!"

"I specialise in themed dinners 'Titanic', 'Armageddon' , 'Towering Inferno'..."

"The recipe said to let the chicken rest after it comes out of the oven!"

Wendy likes horses...and she is a keen cook.

"Our cook is new, so ge's Googling what goes on a bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich as we speak."

'When you asked me over for a home-cooked meal, I assumed you'd be making it.'

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

'White smoke means she decided what to cook. Black smoke means it's done.'

Why did Ernie take that off his wrist and put it here when he had to leave the kitchen? For safety reasons. A watched pot never boils. Ernie says you are what you eat. It's true in his case. Ernie is just like his food. He is sweet, and has some but not too much spice. Plus there's nothing artificial about him. Also like his food, Ernie is an acquired taste. And to me they have both become irresistibly delicious!

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

'I don't think that's what they mean by reducing the wine.'

Chef uses Harp to cut Sausages

'I was in the catering corps.'