Kitchen Clown T-Shirts

"Kids! No watching Bobby Flay before Mommy cooks dinner!"

Microwave - 'Table 19 sends compliments to the chef!'

'...Hoopla!'

'Hoopla!'

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

''ere - I thought you said your pans were non-stick!'

"It's how he would have wanted to go."

Soup of the month.

"That's it. We’re toast."

'Like death by salad.'

'But Mom, I like potatoes in their jackets.'

Wok. Don't Wok.

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

It turns out they don't go together so well,

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

"I hope you won't repent afterwards, Vicar, It's a devilishly hot vindaloo!"

Health and Safety Gone Mad.

"Five hamburgers with buns, three hamburgers without buns and two buns, without hamburgers."

"'TSP' stands for 'teaspoon' not 'two solid pounds'!"

"The recipe said to let the chicken rest after it comes out of the oven!"

"Our cook is new, so ge's Googling what goes on a bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich as we speak."

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

'White smoke means she decided what to cook. Black smoke means it's done.'

Wendy likes horses...and she is a keen cook.

'When you asked me over for a home-cooked meal, I assumed you'd be making it.'

'I don't think that's what they mean by reducing the wine.'

Chef uses Harp to cut Sausages

'I was in the catering corps.'

'Does this thing get channel four.'

The Complete Spaghetti Dinner.

"....And then chuck the whole lot in the dustbin and phone for a take-away."

"So why do you need a ladder to make pancakes?"