Family Clown Pillows

"Mom always liked you best."

Borrow the Bag?

Ethics exam cheater.

Kid at bus stop to kid: 'Needless to say, I cured my Mom of her home-schooling kick.'

'Is the glass half full, Wally, or half empty?' - 'Oh, oh! Trick question!'

'Well, it's your fault for wearing my slippers.'

"Studies show that children of immigrants are more likely to to take advanced math and science courses and more likely to take advanced placement tests in preparation for college."

"No, there was no 'Buy One, Get One Free.' You're twins."

'How are the ventriloquist lessons going?'

'They don't understand goo-goo-gah-gah. Dumb it down to WHAAAAAH!'

'X is unknown? Even to somebody with all your education?'

'Are you sure I should read my book report to the class? --�It's PG-13.'

If a bunch of crazy red headed clowns come out that door...Run like you've never ran before!

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, broke his crown and Jill said 'I told you so'."

'He has your nose and my ears.'

No one has ever been accused of choosing bad relatives.

"So, what's gonna be your favorite class?"

'You're going to have your future cut out for you, reading bedtime stories.'

Dead Funny

"Well, look at the bright side, Timmy — you're 100 percent wrong."

'...And here we have the 'Laugher Curve.''

My Dad, trying to look young. The cap hides his bald spot and the sweatshirt hides his gut!

'Simpson! Stop causing low-level disruption in class now!'

'Why can't we trade him to that lady for her two little girls?'

'May I be excused? I just checked my college investment portfolio online, and I feel sick.'

Crab with a clown face.

"Pfff, eating homework is nothing! My mum eats the clothes off the clothes line..."

"Whose turn is it to lick the knife?"

'Congratulations, dear! Your home cooked dinner was so good you'd think it was an expensive frozen entree!'

"In economics, I got an IOU."

'Add the numbers, divide by how many numbers you've added and there you have it-the average amount of minutes you sleep in class each day.'

Graph Your Relatives!

"Your rule about no yelling out in class...that's a violation of my 1st Amendment rights!"