Kitchen Calamities Pillows

A short-order cook gets sucked into the exhaust vent over the grill.

"'TSP' stands for 'teaspoon' not 'two solid pounds'!"

'Dinner will be ready soon -- the submarine sandwiches are soaking now.'

Roasted

"Hang on, I know I came into the kitchen for something..."

'Say, Hon. . . the pizza's burning.'

'I burned my fingers by touching the hot breakfast eggs, but next time, I'll peel them before I put them into boiling water!'

'Barry, I think I know where you left the champagne bottle.'

"Oh -- just scrape it off."

'Not beans on toast again.' - 'No, toast on beans. I dropped it.'

'We've finished the dishes, Miss. Jenny washes, I wiped, and Susan picked up all the pieces.'

"Maybe we were wrong to hire him just because he looks good in paper."

'Believe it or not you're our greatest liability Jones!'

"Oh, very funny. If you don't like my cooking just say so!"

To her, the four basic food groups are canned, frozen, fast and delivered.

'3 hamburgers, 2 servings of fries, 1 vanilla shake...'

'Honey, I think you have an error message coming in from the kitchen.'

"What are you looking up, recipes for disaster?"

"...Oh no, not you. You couldn't be satisfied with one saucepan..."

'Please stand by. We have temporary loss of your roast.'

'Today was a bit of a disaster.' - 'First I cut my finger and bled everywhere, then I lost my plaster while I was cooking.' - 'Do you want the last bowl of pumpkin soup?' - 'No, it's okay. You go for it.'

Dave's How to Puke Book.

"That's not the boiling oil, that's my casserole!"

"There's something wrong with your dinner."

"Oh my god- the salad's on fire!"

'Call an emergency church supper! The freezer's gone out!'

'Not to worry Flo - It's only Sid's dinner.'

'That new recipe didn't quite work out. Do you fancy popping down to the chippy?'

"There's been an accident in the kitchen." "I know, I've just eaten it."

Setting fire to the Christmas Pud.

Honey, come eat your oatmeal before it sets!

'What do you mean, send out for pizza? This is pizza!'

'Don't worry, it's all dark meat.'

Smoke gets in your eyes.

"The recipe said to stand in hot water for ten minutes."