Kitchen Calamities Pillows

A short-order cook gets sucked into the exhaust vent over the grill.

"'TSP' stands for 'teaspoon' not 'two solid pounds'!"

'Dinner will be ready soon -- the submarine sandwiches are soaking now.'

Roasted

"Hang on, I know I came into the kitchen for something..."

'Say, Hon. . . the pizza's burning.'

'I burned my fingers by touching the hot breakfast eggs, but next time, I'll peel them before I put them into boiling water!'

'Barry, I think I know where you left the champagne bottle.'

"Oh -- just scrape it off."

'Not beans on toast again.' - 'No, toast on beans. I dropped it.'

'We've finished the dishes, Miss. Jenny washes, I wiped, and Susan picked up all the pieces.'

"Maybe we were wrong to hire him just because he looks good in paper."

'Believe it or not you're our greatest liability Jones!'

"Oh, very funny. If you don't like my cooking just say so!"

To her, the four basic food groups are canned, frozen, fast and delivered.

'Honey, I think you have an error message coming in from the kitchen.'

"What are you looking up, recipes for disaster?"

'3 hamburgers, 2 servings of fries, 1 vanilla shake...'

"...Oh no, not you. You couldn't be satisfied with one saucepan..."

'Please stand by. We have temporary loss of your roast.'

"There's something wrong with your dinner."

'Today was a bit of a disaster.' - 'First I cut my finger and bled everywhere, then I lost my plaster while I was cooking.' - 'Do you want the last bowl of pumpkin soup?' - 'No, it's okay. You go for it.'

Dave's How to Puke Book.

"That's not the boiling oil, that's my casserole!"

"Oh my god- the salad's on fire!"

'Call an emergency church supper! The freezer's gone out!'

Honey, come eat your oatmeal before it sets!

"There's been an accident in the kitchen." "I know, I've just eaten it."

'Not to worry Flo - It's only Sid's dinner.'

Setting fire to the Christmas Pud.

'That new recipe didn't quite work out. Do you fancy popping down to the chippy?'

'What do you mean, send out for pizza? This is pizza!'

'You idiot! I said don't forget to thaw the turkey!'

'You must be the only wife who uses a smoke alarm as a food timer!'

'Don't worry, it's all dark meat.'