Kitchen Calamity Lover Pillows

"What are you looking up, recipes for disaster?"

'Believe it or not you're our greatest liability Jones!'

"Are we having salad dear? I can't hear the smoke alarm."

Fire In Restaurant

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

Roasted

"Hang on, I know I came into the kitchen for something..."

'I burned my fingers by touching the hot breakfast eggs, but next time, I'll peel them before I put them into boiling water!'

Bake off: Flan B

Disaster in the kitchen.

'Not beans on toast again.' - 'No, toast on beans. I dropped it.'

A short-order cook gets sucked into the exhaust vent over the grill.

'Barry, I think I know where you left the champagne bottle.'

"Larry's made new friends learning to cook. He knows everyone at the Recipe Emergency Hotline."

"Maybe we were wrong to hire him just because he looks good in paper."

'Honey, I think you have an error message coming in from the kitchen.'

To her, the four basic food groups are canned, frozen, fast and delivered.

'3 hamburgers, 2 servings of fries, 1 vanilla shake...'

"...Oh no, not you. You couldn't be satisfied with one saucepan..."

Dave's How to Puke Book.

'Please stand by. We have temporary loss of your roast.'

"That's not the boiling oil, that's my casserole!"

"There's something wrong with your dinner."

Setting fire to the Christmas Pud.

'Not to worry Flo - It's only Sid's dinner.'

'That new recipe didn't quite work out. Do you fancy popping down to the chippy?'

Honey, come eat your oatmeal before it sets!

'What do you mean, send out for pizza? This is pizza!'

'You idiot! I said don't forget to thaw the turkey!'

'Don't worry, it's all dark meat.'

Smoke gets in your eyes.

All sizzle and no roast

'You must be the only wife who uses a smoke alarm as a food timer!'

"The recipe said to stand in hot water for ten minutes."

'Oh no, freezer's on the blink again!'