Kitchen Calamity Appreciator Pillows

'What do you mean, send out for pizza? This is pizza!'

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

"'TSP' stands for 'teaspoon' not 'two solid pounds'!"

'Dinner will be ready soon -- the submarine sandwiches are soaking now.'

Roasted

'Say, Hon. . . the pizza's burning.'

'I burned my fingers by touching the hot breakfast eggs, but next time, I'll peel them before I put them into boiling water!'

'My hero!'

'Not beans on toast again.' - 'No, toast on beans. I dropped it.'

'Barry, I think I know where you left the champagne bottle.'

Chef: 'Howz that Octopus coming along Jeff?'

A short-order cook gets sucked into the exhaust vent over the grill.

"Larry's made new friends learning to cook. He knows everyone at the Recipe Emergency Hotline."

"Maybe we were wrong to hire him just because he looks good in paper."

Chef looking up confused, Waiter behind him with pancake on his head.

'3 hamburgers, 2 servings of fries, 1 vanilla shake...'

'Believe it or not you're our greatest liability Jones!'

To her, the four basic food groups are canned, frozen, fast and delivered.

"What are you looking up, recipes for disaster?"

'Honey, I think you have an error message coming in from the kitchen.'

"...Oh no, not you. You couldn't be satisfied with one saucepan..."

'Please stand by. We have temporary loss of your roast.'

"That's not the boiling oil, that's my casserole!"

Dave's How to Puke Book.

"There's something wrong with your dinner."

'Call an emergency church supper! The freezer's gone out!'

'That new recipe didn't quite work out. Do you fancy popping down to the chippy?'

Making a mess of fish.

"the Captain thinks it would be nice to have them boiled in their jackets tonight."

"There's been an accident in the kitchen." "I know, I've just eaten it."

Honey, come eat your oatmeal before it sets!

Setting fire to the Christmas Pud.

'That must be a television FIRST - Jamie Oliver burning the roast!'

'Not to worry Flo - It's only Sid's dinner.'

"The recipe said to stand in hot water for ten minutes."