King Of Faux Pas Pillows

"It's the MacArthur Foundation! They've heard about your special genius for saying the dumbest thing at the worst possible moment, and they're giving you a grant!"

"The weatherman said dress for the mid 70's. Bob was elated." "Much. Too. Sexy."

Two women wearing identical dresses head toward exchange window at department store.

'I knew there was part of the pattern missing!'

'Half-baked beans, low fat variety' "Who says we have no taste?"

'Remember that outfit, Miss Wilson, that you said you wouldn't be seen dead wearing?'

The Return Of The Minipants

The Bland Leading the Bland

"FYI – your camel hair blazer started it."

"Yes, dear. I'm pretty sure it's 'granny panties on the inside, pants on the outside.'"

"Eddie, what were you thinking? Either wear boots or go barefoot."

"I warned you not to buy your top hat and tails from that ex magician!"

Fifty Gallon Head.

'Excuse me, would you mind...?'

"Mmm..I haven't worn this tie since the firms 1997 dinner and dance..."

"What? I slept seven months."

"You might consider new socks as well."

"You have it backwards. When you're having an online meeting, you're supposed to look good from the waist up."

Man wearing t-shirt with "As seen" slogan

"Take my advice—never let anybody talk you into joining the Tie-of-the-Month Club."

"Man's best friend with benefits"

"It's an important interview, so you probably shouldn't wear a necktie that contains more material than your suit."

'George has us well diversified. We own every stock in the Misfortune 500.'

'Bob, you're suffering from embarrassing static cling.'

"It's not a cummerbund. It's my underpants."

'What do you mean, I don't match? Everything I'm wearing is wrinkled.'

'I would've dressed better, but my tie was dirty.'

Joe's Weight Gain: 'Dang it! My pants must've shrunk in the dryer. . . Ok. . . who's responsible for shrinking all of my slacks?!!'

"But Reinhardt, you have another week and a half left of your vacation.""I had to come back, chief. They laughed at my black socks on Nantucket."

"Sorry, sir, but we have a strict dress code."

"I couldn't find my other wig."

"I know, but my mom knitted it for me."

'When we said 'One size fits all' we didn't mean all at the same time.'

"You've got the job, but you've got to change your clothes."

Obvious Comb-Over: Please Give.